Ben's Dream School Is Full, and a Lottery Decided His Future

Hi, friends! Lots of kids are about to switch to middle school (my son too, by the way, and you can read how that works in Berlin here). In most of Germany, kids are sorted into different types of secondary school after fourth grade. Irina's son Ben has ADD and a recommendation for the Realschule, one of the mid-level tracks. But his first-choice school is already full, because there just aren't enough spots for such a big cohort of kids. So Ben will probably spend the next several years in a type of school that isn't right for him. He's a very sensitive kid, and Irina is worried sick:

Dear Irina, you have four kids, and your oldest is about to change schools. Your son has ADD. How long have you known, and how does it affect him at school?

Ben started out at our neighborhood elementary school, where first and second grade are taught together in one class. That was really hard for him. He often said he didn't know which grade (first or second) the teacher was talking to or which workbook he needed. And his assigned buddy from second grade, who was supposed to help him, barely spoke German. After a lot of sleepless nights, we switched schools.

So from second grade on he went to a small elementary school with just one class per grade, and we were very lucky that he landed in a class of only 16 kids. His year was so big that the school opened two classes for the first time ever. That's where it became clear that Ben is often dreamy, has trouble concentrating, and doesn't speak up in class.

I noticed it at home with homework, too. Compared to his siblings, he takes longer, needs more help, and his thoughts are always somewhere else. After a long wait for an appointment with a psychologist, the testing began, and in 2024 we got the ADD diagnosis.

We resisted medication for a long time, but eventually we reached the point where Ben was just frustrated. The first medication caused sleep problems, but he tolerates the second one better. His performance has improved noticeably, and the school has given us positive feedback, too. He has no 4s (roughly a D) on his fourth-grade report card, and he really works hard.

Now the switch to middle school is coming up…

Yes, we thought long and hard about which type of school would be right for Ben. We couldn't picture him in a system as big as a comprehensive school, because his ADD means he often needs a little more structure and guidance.

The Realschule in our town is the "smallest" school, and it's about two miles from our house. Ben's teacher also gave him a Realschule recommendation, so in February we went to the school for an enrollment interview. The principal spent a thorough half hour talking with us and with Ben. He noticed right away that Ben seems to have some trouble concentrating. He told us Ben would be in good hands at his school, and we left feeling very positive.

Last week the principal called to say that Ben wouldn't get a spot at his school, and neither would 54 other kids. He also mentioned that school is mandatory and we'd have to figure something out. For a minute there, the floor dropped out from under all of us. We never expected to be turned down.

Did you look at other schools and ask about openings?

We'd toured all the schools in the area at their open houses, except for one that Ben flat-out refused to consider. After the rejection, I called every school and heard only one thing: "Sorry, we're full." So I drove from school to school with our paperwork and the rejection letter. Some staff members barely let me finish a sentence. Some principals kindly took the time to talk, but gave me no hope.

So I ended up driving to that one school Ben absolutely didn't want to go to. They offered us a new enrollment interview and asked me to bring the paperwork and my son. We went to that appointment today with knots in our stomachs. At the school, we sat among lots of kids who'd been turned down by college-prep schools even with straight-A averages…

How does it feel as parents that your child can't go to the school of your choice, the one that would be best for him?

It's shattering that a "lottery" decides our child's future. We're sad.

How is your son handling it right now?

Ben feels rejected. It comforts him that he isn't the only kid from his class. Out of his class of 16 students, 5 didn't get a spot at their first-choice school.

So what happens now? Who decides where your son goes?

Right now we have no choice except the big comprehensive school, which has six classes per grade. At the enrollment interview, they handed me a form to sign. It asked what we'd want if we don't get a spot at this school either: go to the other comprehensive school (yes, but that option was crossed out, since that school is full) or get our documents back.

The lottery decided that our son can't go to his first-choice school, and now capacity decides where he ends up.

How do you feel about the German school system in general?

I'm an elementary school teacher myself. I think a system like the one in the U.S. would be better, where everyone goes to the same high school. I don't think kids should be sorted this early based on their grades. Grades are snapshots, and they say nothing about the child. Overall, I feel like the German school system makes people sick. Kids, parents, and teachers alike.