My Son Is Coming Home After Six Months in Canada

Hi friends! In our house out in the country, our first kid went abroad, but kids two and three didn't. It's different with every child. Right now, though, a lot of teens in our circle are coming home from time abroad (“Welcome back!”), so we're glad Alexandra agreed to answer our questions. Her son went to Canada at 15 for a semester, and he's about to come home.

Dear Alexandra, your son spent a semester in Canada and is coming back now. What are you looking forward to most?

I'm looking forward to finally seeing him again and, of course, giving him a big hug.

How will you handle the homecoming? Are you planning a “Welcome back” sign or his favorite meal?

He loves döner kebab, a German street-food staple that doesn't exist in Canada. So the minute he lands, he wants to go get one. Right there at the Frankfurt airport. Once we're home, the next few days will mostly be his favorite dishes, especially since he mostly thought the food in Canada was bad. I'm not making a sign or anything like that. He'd find it embarrassing for sure.

How does your son feel about coming home? Is he happier about seeing you, or is he melancholy about leaving?

Right now he's mostly sad that the exchange is ending. He found great friends there, and they're staying on. But he's already planning more visits to Canada.

How did you end up choosing Canada? And was it always clear your son would want to go abroad?

He actually wanted to go to the US because he plays basketball. Because of the political situation, though, we didn't feel good about that. What won him over on Canada was mostly that he'd be able to go skiing every week for the first few months. His big brother went on an exchange to Australia four years ago, so it had been clear to our son for quite a while that he'd take the chance too.

As a mom, which worries were front and center beforehand?

I was afraid he'd have a ski accident or something like it, and we'd be so far away.

What was saying goodbye like, and what was the hardest part?

Before he left, we were under insane time pressure (once again, everything at the last minute). We had actually planned to visit family in Frankfurt the day before the flight, but we didn't get there until night because a few things were still missing (a power bank that's allowed on the plane, the Canadian cell phone plan, etc.).

But maybe that was for the best. There was little time to get sentimental. Though at the actual goodbye, I did have to fight back tears. While he was on the plane I was pretty calm (with our oldest, I tracked the plane's route online the whole time), but of course I was hugely relieved when he called after landing. After that I was emotionally wiped out.

Was he lucky with his host family and school, or did something need to change?

The host family is great, really warm and invested (unlike with our oldest, who switched). They have stricter rules than we do, and they enforce them more consistently, which seems to be good for our son. He likes the school too. It's a public school, though, and not very academically demanding. He plays a ton of basketball there and isn't taking math or languages. Another plus is that he's found really great friends he does a lot with.

How quickly did he get comfortable with the language?

The language (English) wasn't a problem at all, from the very start.

Were there tough moments when he needed you from far away (illness, conflicts, homesickness, whatever)?

He was only homesick for a short while, which was surely because he got busy so quickly. School started right after he arrived, there were lots of activities planned for the international students, and he got to go skiing in his very first week.

Every now and then he contacted us about logistics (his credit card wasn't working, his phone was broken, a sign-up for a trip didn't go through). Then there was one situation where another exchange student had big problems with her host family, and she was allowed to switch. Our son asked us for advice about that.

When did you feel he really stepped up, and what are you proudest of?

I'm proud that he trusted himself to spend time on another continent at all, to live with a family that was completely unfamiliar at first, with different rules. Especially since he's only 15. He stepped up in more than one situation.

How did you handle missing him? What strategies did you come up with?

Letting go and missing someone is hard, but thinking about how happy your child is helps a lot. We do regular video calls over WhatsApp, so at least we “see” him regularly.

How often were you in touch, and on which apps?

We text and call every few days on WhatsApp, though I mostly stick to text messages so I don't crowd him. He calls us on his own about once a week.

Do you feel like you sent off a child and are getting an adult back?

Whether he's really an adult, I don't know, but he has definitely grown a lot (physically, and above all emotionally). He seems much more mature and self-confident to me.

We wish you lots of joy at the reunion!