I Kicked My Husband Out, but His Baggage Stayed

Hi friends, sometimes a relationship unravels so slowly that by the time it ends, the breakup feels like relief. That's how it is for our reader Jasmina. She ended things with her husband, the father of her three kids. But there's still so much left over from the marriage that she can't really exhale yet.

“That's it. I'm done.”

I'm so glad I kicked my husband out last year. I can say that without feeling guilty, because we tried a lot of things and none of it worked. At some point it's better to go your separate ways than to keep getting nowhere. Life with him and our three kids was just really hard and draining.

Part of that is because my husband doesn't keep agreements, or barely does, and never really did. He promises a lot and follows through on little to nothing. Sadly, that's now true with the kids too, since the separation. Since last June, he has picked up our three exactly once, for one afternoon. Meanwhile he goes around telling everyone how sad he is that the kids don't want to see him, and plays the victim. Isn't it his job to make an effort? Isn't he the adult here?

He was barely around for the kids even before we split

Then again, he wasn't the one taking care of the kids much in the years before, either. He sees it differently, of course, and thinks he's a better dad than most. But if you always put yourself first and emotionally blackmail your wife and kids, maybe you shouldn't be surprised, right? Sadly, that has kept going since he moved out.

The house where the kids and I live is mine, thank goodness. But over the years he filled it up like a hoarder. Even now, 14 months later, the basement and the garage are still full. He just can't get himself to deal with his things. When I ask, I never get a real answer out of him. Maybe he doesn't even know himself what's holding him back.

Unfortunately, he's my boss at work

On top of everything, he's also my boss at work. So I don't want to let the situation escalate. There's just too much riding on it. All he ever sees is himself and how badly he's doing. Meanwhile, I'm trying to juggle everyday life with a job and three kids. With a renovation going on in the house. With my best friend in chemo and my dad, who doesn't have much time left.

Maybe my ex will finally get a little spark of motivation when he finds out there's a new man in my life. We'll see. For me personally, it feels really good, and this new love gives me the strength to get through all this craziness.

We're getting by, even if a lot could be better

The kids seem to be doing pretty well with all of it. I even get the feeling they appreciate that it's calmer at home now. One of our three kids occasionally says they'd like to do something with Dad. The other two don't. Sadly, he doesn't really follow up on those few requests, because “no time!”

Honestly, all I want is peace and quiet. A totally normal, boring family life 😉 And a reasonable living situation. His stuff finally gone. After so many months, I'm really tired and worn out by it. Thank you for letting me unload this here. I'm sure there are others who will recognize themselves in it. I'm just hoping for a little peace now.