Letting Go Is a Muscle: What My Kids' Class Trips Taught Me

Hi, friends! This week my eight-year-old daughter left for a few days on a school trip, and I was ZERO nervous. I'm typing that in capital letters because I remember exactly how UNBELIEVABLY nervous I was when my first child went on her first one. (In Germany, class trips with overnight stays start in elementary school.) She was already in fourth grade then, not second grade like our third-born is now. Letting go was just so unfamiliar back then!

On the day she left, I felt physically sick. I had tucked a letter into her suitcase to head off homesickness, along with a family photo, and I'd promised her a thousand times that of course we'd come get her if anything happened. Every day I checked my phone a thousand times (make that ten thousand) to see if her teacher had called, and my thoughts kept drifting back to her. What was she doing right now? Was she asleep yet? Had she eaten enough? I was on edge all week and so relieved when she was home again.

By kid number two, I'd had more practice. Of course my son got a letter in his suitcase too, and of course I thought about him a lot, but the pit in my stomach was gone. And when our third child climbed onto the bus this time, I waved without a lump in my throat and thought, “How great is it that she gets to experience this?” Of course we miss her here, but the joy that she's on a class trip clearly wins out. I'm not scared, I'm not worried, and I'll still be happy when she's back.

This isn't because I love my oldest the most or worry about her the most. It's simply that I'm better at letting go than I was a few years ago. And that's not because I've become so much wiser or more mature. I've just practiced a lot over the past few years. Letting go is like a muscle: the more you train it, the better you get.

So Many Firsts to Let Go Of

The first few times my oldest rode her bike somewhere on her own, I could barely wait for the other parents to call and tell me she'd made it. When my son started taking the bus to practice, I was beyond nervous and worried. Today none of that is a problem anymore, because I know my kids are reliable and can handle it on their own. I've practiced trusting and letting go, letting the kids have their own experiences and figure out solutions for themselves.

Now, because of our youngest, who's just two, I'm around first-time moms again. I often see how hard letting go still is for them. The slide looks too high, the swing too wobbly, the stick too pointy, the puddle too wet, the ice cream too sugary. I watch it all, and I can relate to a lot of it. Especially with your first child, you want to do everything right. You want to protect your kid and spare them every hard experience and every scraped knee if you possibly can. But SPOILER: You can't.

Kids fall down. Kids bust a lip. Kids end up in lousy situations now and then. Often we can be there to support and comfort them, but sometimes a kid has to find a solution alone, and that's exactly how they grow.

Think how proud a kid is the first time they climb up the slide by themselves. How proud they are after their first sleepover at a friend's house. How proud they are the first time they get to run to the bakery alone to pick up bread rolls. How proud they are the first time they get to take the bus to ballet class by themselves.

For us parents, these are all little goodbyes, and they hurt. But they also give us some freedom back, and above all, they make our kids stronger. I'm writing this to encourage every mom who's struggling with letting go. By the teen years at the latest, your kids will be actively demanding that you let go. How lucky that we get a few years before that to practice in small steps.

Letting go doesn't mean loving your child less or supporting them less. It means trusting your child and watching them grow stronger for the challenges of this world.