Her Third Pregnancy Was Triplets: "Crying Won't Get You Anywhere"

Hi, friends! I had twins with my second baby, but Caroline had triplets with her third! In her book Crying Won't Get You Anywhere (when did she find the time with five little kids?!), she talks honestly about how she reacted to that first ultrasound, how her pregnancy went, and what daily life looks like now with her two big kids and the triplets.

Dear Caroline, you really wanted a third child, and your husband took some convincing… Tell us about the surprise.

I just had this feeling that our family wasn't complete yet. My husband didn't necessarily want a third child, though. For him it was clear: we have two healthy kids, and a third would change everything all over again. So I didn't push. At some point he came around, and we tried, very relaxed about it.

My period was due on a Monday and didn't show up. Tuesday, nothing. And even though I obviously knew a pregnancy was possible, I still didn't take a test. Wednesday, same thing. I was in the middle of packing chaos because we were about to leave for three months in Portugal, and I just thought: it'll come eventually. I only took a pregnancy test on our first day in Portugal, and it was positive right away. No question.

Then we had to wait almost four weeks for the first doctor's appointment. And I went through hell during those four weeks, because I felt indescribably awful. That the reason was three babies? We never, ever would have guessed.

So you left for three months in Portugal, and that's where you got the positive test. What was your first feeling?

My first feeling was honestly the same as in my other pregnancies: Oh my God, did I really want this? I'm actually pregnant. Wow. Okay, deep breath. Of course I was thrilled, but in that moment it suddenly becomes real.

My husband said, totally deadpan, that I should please buy a “real” pregnancy test and not the cheapest one from the drugstore, and then he'd believe me. So I took a second one, and then, of course, we were over the moon about our third child.

The only problem: we were in Portugal, and I had no idea which doctor to go to. In the closest town, about 25 miles away, I couldn't get an appointment. Through an acquaintance, I finally got in touch with a professor, and I got an appointment with him almost four weeks later.

And after we found out it was triplets, I really had only one thought: I want to go home. To Hamburg, to my safe place, to my own doctors, where I understand everything 100 percent. I felt so sick that I couldn't enjoy Portugal at all. I could barely eat, and I couldn't even enjoy the ocean, which normally means everything to me. It's totally absurd: you're in one of the most beautiful places in the world and you just want to go home.

The professor doing the ultrasound was pretty quiet at first before he dropped the bombshell. Do you remember your first feeling, and your second? Did panic kick in after the euphoria?

Oh, do I remember. The professor was quiet. Too quiet. He kept moving the probe around and said nothing, and all I could think was: Please, say something. At some point I asked, “Is everything okay?” He answered by asking whether we'd had fertility treatment. We just looked at each other and said, “No.”

Then suddenly he said, “That's three.” The next second it was, “No, only two, one stopped developing.” And a moment later he corrected himself again: “Oh, wait, no, three.” Those seconds were awful for me because I had no idea what was happening. First hearing that one wasn't alive, then three again. I needed a minute to take that in.

And then we just started laughing. Not because it was funny, but because that was apparently our way of dealing with the shock. Some people cry; we laughed. We were so out of it that we even forgot to pay the bill later.

But we really weren't panicked afterward. Pretty quickly it was clear to us: okay, it's three. Then we can handle three. I truly believe your attitude makes an incredible difference. Negativity just drags you down. We're both fighters, and we tend to approach hard situations with the thought: we'll manage somehow.

How was your triplet pregnancy different from your two earlier pregnancies with one baby?

It was completely different from the very beginning. Days before my period was supposed to start, I had an intense pulling feeling in my lower abdomen. And in general, I just didn't feel like myself. I could barely eat, I was white as a sheet, and some days I felt so sick I couldn't even pick up my phone.

Anyone who knows me knows how many photos and videos I usually take. From that time, there's almost nothing. My body really focused on the essentials: making three babies. At some point I said to my husband, “Something is different.”

I couldn't explain what, but everything was so much more intense than in my other pregnancies. Later, of course, came that giant belly: 55 inches around. Roll over in bed? Forget it. Still, I actually handled the pregnancy really well and didn't complain much. I even kept riding bikes with my kids until the very end.

It only got really rough at the end. I went into the hospital two weeks early as a precaution, so I wouldn't end up there as an emergency at some point. And of course that's exactly when I caught influenza B and Covid. On top of that came extreme nosebleeds that were sometimes almost impossible to stop. All of that, with three babies in my belly and a 55-inch waist, made the last few weeks significantly harder.

Which worries turned out to be for nothing?

Almost all the ones other people handed me. Of course a triplet pregnancy is a high-risk pregnancy to begin with, and my age was another factor. And I was told again and again what could happen: extremely premature birth, the cervix shortening too early, one of the babies not getting enough nourishment or not growing properly, complications if my water broke, and of course risks to me, too.

The topic of selective reduction came up more than once, too. It was brought up at appointment after appointment for as long as a procedure like that would still have been possible. The first time, just hearing that word shocked me incredibly. After that, though, my position was totally clear: for me, it was out of the question.

I was convinced we'd make it. And if nature had planned a different path, I would have had to accept that. And in the end, a lot turned out very differently. My cervix was still 2.5 inches long even at the very end. At times the babies were in the 99.9th percentile and were born at impressive weights. One of my daughters weighed 5 pounds 5 ounces and was 21 inches long. Even the doctors were amazed.

And then three healthy kids arrived. They were in the incubator for only a few days. Most of what I'd been afraid of never happened. That doesn't mean everything was easy. It just means: fear is a bad advisor. It talks loudly and, luckily, is often wrong.

So your triplets were only in the NICU for 5 days, right? What was it like to take them home?

The triplets really were only in the incubator for five days, and after that they could already regulate their own temperature. Altogether, though, we had to stay in the NICU for two weeks. The condition for being discharged was that we reach 37 weeks and that all three get rid of their feeding tubes. And that's exactly what they did. The doctors themselves were amazed at how well they developed. They were unbelievably calm babies and hardly screamed or cried.

Breastfeeding worked really well from the start, too. I had an incredible amount of colostrum and could fill whole syringes with it. Even though I was very sick and completely exhausted myself, I really pushed through. I desperately wanted my kids to get the best I could give them from the very beginning.

The hardest part for me, though, was the time after the birth. Because I was an isolation patient at the hospital and couldn't see my two big kids for two weeks, I eventually went home and commuted to the NICU every day. To have your triplets and then drive home without a single baby? I cried a river. I really did.

At the same time, those two weeks in the NICU had something good about them: we learned the care rounds there and simply kept up the same routine at home. So I wasn't afraid at all of going home with three babies. They weren't our first kids, and I wasn't alone.

My husband and my mother were there. Of course, three preemies are a whole different ballgame, but I knew: we can do this. Like I said, fear is a bad advisor. Or as I like to say: fear is scared of me. (laughs)

What help do you have at home? I can imagine they're never all asleep at the same time at night…

For the first weeks and months, the babies were honestly surprisingly easy to handle. The truly hard part was the lack of sleep. Here's how to picture it: every three hours, a new round of care begins. If feeding, nursing, changing, and my extra pumping take an hour and a half with three babies, you have an hour and a half left until the next round, not another three hours. At some point you just function like a machine on autopilot.

I couldn't have done it alone, obviously. I always say it takes a village, and in my case, more like a small town. My husband had my back, my mother even slept at our place for the first two weeks and did every single round with me. My friend Ellen was here at least twice a week and helped with both the kids and the housework. At that time I also had a housekeeper, and for two weeks I was approved for a caregiver to help out.

But otherwise, we were really lucky. Even in the first few months, the triplets slept very well and, above all, in sync. And they still do, pretty much to this day. One of our boys sometimes wakes up screaming, but then he goes right back to sleep. So we aren't up for nights on end, and we don't have to get up at five every morning.

Our day normally starts between seven and eight, very rarely at six. In the evening, the triplets go to bed between seven and seven thirty. So we really can't complain. It could definitely be worse. That first stretch of round-the-clock feeding was intense, but after that, a lot fell into place.

How do you manage to stay yourself with 5 little kids at home?

That's a good question. In the beginning, honestly, I wasn't interested in anything to do with myself. Fashion, shopping, getting ready: zero. When you're taking care of three babies at once, your body automatically sets different priorities. I think I spent less money in that period than ever before. Except maybe on diapers and things for the triplets, and even that was mostly my husband's department.

But little by little, I came back. And it matters to me that I stay Caro, even with five kids. I love my kids and live for them, but I don't want to lose myself in the process. I like shopping, I like getting dressed up, not every day, just when I feel like it. And I'm not letting anyone take that away from me.

I believe everything in life comes in phases anyway. In the beginning, I didn't even take my big kids to daycare myself; at some point I took that back over. At some point I started cooking again, and bit by bit my normal routine returned.

And I don't let one bad night ruin my whole day, either. I think more like: all the more reason. I still drink my coffee, and I drink it hot. It takes a lot to knock me over. What really wrecks me is when one of my kids is sick. Everything else, we'll figure out somehow.

How are your two big kids handling getting knocked off the throne three times over?

Triple dethroning is actually a pretty good way to put it. From one day to the next, they weren't splitting Mom and Dad two ways anymore, but five. And it would be a lie to say it all went smoothly. There was jealousy, tears, and of course the occasional “What about me?” And all of that was allowed.

Jules took the new situation a bit more easily than Lya. For Lya, it was a big change to suddenly not be the baby anymore. She was very attached to me and asked for my attention very clearly. But I think kids have a right to let something like this be hard sometimes. They don't have to just function.

And both of them have grown into their roles as big siblings so beautifully. I truly couldn't have wished for better big siblings for the triplets. They're incredibly caring and loving. When the little ones wake up, they get greeted, kissed, stroked, and hugged. Watching that makes me so proud. For me, it's not just the triplets who are a miracle. All five are my miracles.

What does all the family chaos do to you as a couple?

Let's be honest: as a couple, we're often at the very back of the line. Kids first, then the housework, then everything else, and somewhere behind that, the two of us. Five little kids take a lot of energy, steal your sleep, and don't leave a whole lot of room for time together. But for me, that's a phase, too. There are times when you're more parents than a couple, and then other times come around again. You just have to be patient with each other and not lose sight of each other.

What carries us is this feeling: us against the problem, not us against each other. Sébastien has my back and is definitely a big part of my “small town.” How we manage as a couple with five kids and how our relationship has changed because of it, I get into a little more in my book.

You say crying won't get you anywhere. So what does?

Getting up. Definitely getting up. Not despairing, but keeping going. To me, “Crying won't get you anywhere” doesn't mean you should push your feelings down at all. Of course I can cry. If I watch a sad movie, I cry, too. And I sobbed my eyes out when I had to go to the hospital and leave my two big kids at home.

Same when I drove home after the birth without my triplets and had to leave them at the hospital. But I didn't cry about my situation itself. I just didn't have that urge to lie down and fall apart. Because it wouldn't have changed my situation. Crying never warmed up a bottle or made a night shorter. So for me it was always clear: get up, be strong, and do it.

I think we have so much more strength in us than we sometimes realize. And it helps me to remind myself of exactly that: not constantly thinking about what I might not be able to handle, but trusting in everything I can handle. That inner attitude carries me.

What also gets me through is being honest instead of playing the perfect mom. Accepting help. Saying no. And holding on to one thought: it gets easier. Not today, maybe not tomorrow. But it gets easier. I promise.