My Four Kids: Who Teams Up With Whom?

Hi friends, the other day Lisa asked me, “What’s it like with your four kids, anyway? Are there teams? Like the two older ones and the two younger ones, or more the girls versus the boys?” Great question—and I had no answer ready.

Quick refresher: my daughter is 15, my son is 12, my second daughter is 9, and our youngest, another son, is 3. So it’s girl, boy, girl, boy, all the way down. The three oldest are each three years apart, and then the baby of the family came along with a gap of more than six years.

There was a time when Kid #1 and Kid #2 couldn’t walk past each other without picking a fight. They thought the other one was the worst. Doors slammed, there was pinching and tattling, and I was often on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Separately, those two were always adorable. Together, they were just exhausting. Kid #3 was still pretty little then and hardly mattered to the big kids.

During the pandemic, #2 and #3 really grew close. They built Lego for hours. My son taught his sister everything there is to know about Star Wars, they got along beautifully, and they were each other’s most important playmate during that hard time.

Today I can honestly say that all four kids get along great, and after so many tears and moments of despair over sibling fights, that’s a real joy. Sure, sometimes one gets on another’s nerves and there’s a squabble, but on our two-week summer vacation I was reminded all over again how well the four of them work together.

Katharina’s Kids: Who Gets Along With Whom?

Kids #1 and #2 are the teenagers in the house, so you’ll find the big sister taking her little brother to the drugstore to educate him about pimple patches. They swap advice on clothes, listen to similar music, and watch shows together. My oldest does retreat to her room on her own sometimes, but a lot of nights the two of them end up sitting together, playing a round of cards or just talking. These days they actually think the other one is pretty cool. My son is proud of his pretty big sister, and her friends think her brother is kind of cute, too.

Kids #2 and #3 have now been at the same school for years. They ride the bus back and forth together, so of course they’ve always spent a lot of time together. They know the same people and the same teachers, but their interests couldn’t be more different (except for cards, which they both love and often play together). This is the pairing that clashes most often, but my son also has a very strong protective streak when it comes to his sister, and he’s stood up for her on the playground more than once.

Kids #3 and #4 bicker and adore each other. The older one patiently builds forts for the little guy, lends him things (that she never sees again), and plays with him at the playground a lot. She’s the kid who likes it best when everyone is together, and she really values harmony.

Kids #1 and #3—the girls—also like each other a lot. They shared a room on vacation and do things together fairly often. My oldest actually takes her sister along a lot, which of course makes the younger one thrilled every time.

Kids #2 and #4—the boys—play soccer in the yard in the afternoons and “fight” each other. They do plenty of “boy stuff” together: roughhousing, racing around, riding scooters, jumping on the trampoline.

Kids #1 and #4 are very close. I often say she’s the more patient mom. When I scold him or tell him no, he stomps off pouting to his big sister and lets her comfort him. She also puts him to bed fairly often at night, and she’s definitely a very important person he trusts.

I have four siblings myself. We’re all very close today, but growing up there was a clear divide between the two oldest and the three youngest. I think it’s so nice that it isn’t like that with my kids. Each of them has an anchor or a buddy in one sibling or another. Sometimes those two click more, sometimes the others do—but there are no set teams or fixed groups.

And now I’m curious: What’s it like at your house? Do your kids have regular buddies? Do some get along especially well, or not at all? Tell us…