Lisa's Twins Turn 18 Next Week, and I Can't Believe It

Friends, next week Lisa's twin boys turn 18. Legal adults. Not kids anymore. “Unbelievable!” I texted Lisa, in one of our countless WhatsApp threads. And honestly? It really is unbelievable to me.

Unbelievable for a few reasons. For one, my own kids being grown feels sooooooo far away. My kids are between 3 and 15, which means that by the time my youngest turns 18, I'll be 60 (!!!!!!). I still have fingernails and toenails to clip, spare clothes to pack for daycare, bedtime stories to read, lunch boxes to fill, and multiplication tables to quiz. All those thousand little acts of caring will be with me, and keep me busy, for many more years.

It's also unbelievable because it's supposedly been almost 18 years since I visited Lisa and her newborn twins. We knew each other from journalism school, and we both lived in Berlin. I had no kids yet, I was all about my career, I went out to clubs and bars a lot, and I was responsible for nothing and nobody but myself. Lisa, at the same time, already had a toddler, and then, well, the twins. Three kids in diapers, just like that.

When I visited Lisa shortly after the birth, I was shocked. In my defense, I didn't have any other friends with kids and simply had no clue how much life with babies changes everything. Lisa handled it beautifully. Looking back, I'd even say heroically. A toddler and newborn twins: how did she even pull that off? What an incredible feat nursing two babies alone was, how brutal the sleep deprivation must have been, how demanding her older child's needs were.

How did she ever manage with the twin boys?

Back then, Lisa had no grandparents in Berlin, and the kids' dad had to go back to work pretty quickly. Elterngeld, Germany's paid parental leave benefit, had been introduced shortly after her first child was born, but for self-employed people it was based on the income of the previous calendar year… and that year she'd been home with her first daughter, so she only got the minimum of 300 euros. The more I think about what Lisa pulled off back then, the more my respect for her grows.

At the time, I had no idea and didn't see any of it. All I saw was how messy the living room was (it probably wasn't even that bad, considering how often I look at my own living room these days) and how tired Lisa was (completely understandable, as I now know). When I left Lisa's apartment that day, all I thought was: Oh God, I can never have kids if my life will change that much.

That was 18 years ago, and I've learned a lot since then, including from Lisa. She was always a step ahead of me, so I could always ask her for advice when it came to the kids, and I still can. We've been working together for almost 15 years, so I've also watched her kids grow up. I've been there for sibling fights, grade pressure, heartbreak, and soccer games. I've watched those wild, blond, curly-haired boys grow into really sweet teenagers and young men.

Some of the things Lisa worried about, the things we talked about for hours, simply melted away over the years. Because the kids just got older. And some new things came along, and got better.

It's unbelievable that Lisa, who is younger than I am, will soon have nothing but grown kids. And, I'll be completely honest here: really cool grown kids.

The twins becoming adults is a huge step for Lisa. It stirs up emotions in me, too. It reminds me how long our friendship has lasted, how much we've already gotten through together (COVID!!!), and how fast all of this goes, even when in the day-to-day we think we have all the time in the world.

When the twins have their birthday soon, I'll raise my glass to the two of them, of course, but most of all to Lisa, who raised three wonderful kids!