Our Teens Keep Surprising Us (Cue the Confetti)

Friends, today I want to talk about kids who surprise us, and about how our teens keep astonishing us again and again.

The other day a friend sent me happy news. Her son has spent the last few years getting nothing but write-ups and “you’re too much” lectures at school, and now a sports scout has invited him to a tryout. The whole family celebrated with a giant pizza order, and it got me right in the heart, because I know that feeling so well.

We’re mama bears, aren’t we? When our kids have a harder time, our love doesn’t shrink! We go into defense mode, we build our babies up, and then we go even wilder with joy when a confidence boost finally comes from the outside. When our kid is, quite literally, seen!

The joy is off the charts when, say, a D in math comes home, even though an elementary school teacher once declared that, sadly, nothing would ever come of our kid. Well, of course we’re throwing confetti.

Surprise! The Joy We Didn’t See Coming

Picture a teacher who doesn’t send the kid with ADHD out into the hall as punishment, but makes that kid his “copy assistant” and says, “Hey, I need a quick hand, can you come with me to the front office?!” And then the two of them hop down the hallway, or walk backward, or skip, so the kid can burn off some energy and then focus again. No being branded the troublemaker. Just met at eye level and picked up right where they are. When I hear something like that, I tear up. Parents worry so much about the kid who doesn’t fit the mold… and how lovely when that kid is simply taken as they are.

Of course, there are also kids for whom everything just falls into place, where everything always seems to run smoothly. And of course their parents are happy too, but today is about the kids who sometimes struggle, and whose wins feel so, so intense for everyone.  

Last week an acquaintance told me her son had been studying for half a year for the ZPs, the central final exams at the end of tenth grade in Germany. Then, right before them, he suddenly sat across from her wondering why foreign languages come so easily to everyone else, but not to him. And then his little brother came over and listed everything he can do instead. And then, all of a sudden, they were celebrating the passed driving test and the apprenticeship offer. Look at everything you can do!

So do we sometimes need the deep valleys to celebrate the happy moments so much harder? I think parents whose kids “just sail through” are proud too, but maybe it’s more familiar to them, less surprising. And someone who’s been shaking and is finally safe again is simply that much more relieved than someone who never put themselves in danger. Maybe you can put it that way.

Anyway, I celebrate every parent who celebrates their kid for surprising them against all outside predictions. Because the one who left school after ninth grade without a diploma is suddenly taking over a farm.

Because the one who developed school anxiety during the teen years suddenly discovered in an internship what they really enjoy and what drives them. Because the class troublemaker is suddenly invited to a tryout, and the kid who didn’t get a recommendation for the Realschule (Germany’s middle track) suddenly has a qualification for applied-sciences college in their pocket. When the ones not everyone believed in suddenly make their way. Let it rain colorful confetti for them. And for their parents too!

P.S.: And for everyone whose happy ending isn’t in sight yet, let it rain confetti too. As encouragement. As a little hope to hold on to. For the tiniest of tiny steps forward.