Dear all, I have children aged between 3 and 15 – so the age range is really quite wide. Whilst the youngest still needs help getting dressed, can’t fall asleep on his own, and the nine-year-old certainly still needs plenty of parental support (“You’ve got PE today” or “Don’t forget your jacket”), the 12-year-old and the 15-year-old are really starting to become quite independent.
Take my eldest daughter’s school trip, for example: just last year, we were sitting in her room with the printed packing list, thinking about what she should take, counting pairs of socks and squeezing the rain jacket into her suitcase at the last minute. This year, when I offered to help her, the suitcase was already packed. She’d downloaded the packing list from the learning platform, checked the weather and even bought snacks for the bus journey. All I could say was: “OK, great!”
Take football training, for example: for years, it was pure luck whether my son took everything to training and brought it all back again. How often have I found shin guards, drinks or bibs here that should actually have been taken along? Once, my son left his football boots on the pitch after training – and yes: he came home without his boots, which he only realised once he was back home. For years, this was a real source of conflict because I couldn’t believe how hard it was for him to remember all his things.
Those days are over. The football rucksack is always packed the night before; not a single item went missing throughout the whole of last season. When I ask if he’s got his rain jacket with him, there’s just a slightly annoyed: „Yeees, I’ve got it!“ and to „Have you got your grass boots with you?“ a „Nooo, we’re playing on artificial turf today!“ (Yes, there are two different pairs of boots for that!)
The two older ones make their own arrangements completely independently, looking up bus and train connections on their own. They’re both 99 per cent on time getting home, remember their homework, and keep their rooms tidy. All those thousands of reminders, those millions of requests that we parents have made over the years – and which we thought: It’s simply pointless! – have, after all, fallen on fertile ground somewhere, and we are slowly reaping the rewards.
The children are becoming independent
Of course, you could say: Well, at 12 and 15, that’s only natural – and yes, it probably is. But when you’re stuck in that world of small children and round-the-clock care, you can’t imagine that one day you won’t have to look after EVERYTHING anymore. And when that time finally comes, it actually feels strange at first. After all, letting go is something you have to practise. Can the child really cycle to their hobby group on their own, given there are two major junctions… Should I really let the child go on that youth trip, even though I know there’ll definitely be lots of teenagers drinking alcohol? Do I let the child take the bus or S-Bahn on their own in the evening?
Just as we had to read up on topics like weaning, settling into nursery and the like back in the baby days, we now have to figure out, step by step, how quickly and to what extent we can let go. It’s clear that we have to. Because only then can our children continue to grow. It’s also clear that it isn’t always easy for us parents.
If you – like me – still have younger children, I want to encourage you. What you do during the toddler years isn’t pointless; it sticks with them. And seeing how the kids then go out and conquer the world is really fun!
