A Canadian Surrogate on Handing Over the Baby She Carried

Hi, friends! A few weeks ago, we told you the story of Fabian and Alessandro, whose daughter Sofia was born in Canada to a surrogate. We're calling her Laura here. The story got a lot of you talking, and most of your questions were about “Laura.” How does it feel to carry a baby for nine months… and then hand her over? So we thought: Why not just ask her ourselves? And she said yes to an interview.

Some background first: Unlike in Germany, surrogacy is legal in Canada, but only the altruistic kind. Surrogates aren't paid for carrying the baby, and they don't make a profit. The idea is to make sure women do it because they truly want to help people… and not because they're in financial trouble.

(We did this interview in English and translated it into German ourselves for our German readers. What you're reading is that version, in English again, so a few sentences may sound a little off.)

Dear “Laura,” you live in Canada, you have a son, and you helped a German couple become a family through surrogacy. How did you end up contacting a surrogacy agency?

I found the surrogacy agency on Facebook. An ad looking for surrogates kept popping up.

How did your own family react when you told them you wanted to be a surrogate?

My family and friends were all excited and really supportive when I told them.

In Canada, you don't get paid for carrying a baby for another family. So what was your motivation?

My son was my motivation. Kids are incredible. There's nothing better than the deep, close bond with your own child, nothing lovelier than watching your child grow up. My son is my world, and I could hardly imagine what it must be like for people who want that but, for whatever reason, don't get to experience it. There are so many people who deserve this wonderful experience. And I also think it's especially beautiful and important to show my son how great it can be to help other people in any way you can.

Pregnancy and birth always come with risks. Did that not matter to you?

My pregnancy and birth with my son had gone very well, and I knew the doctors would monitor and support my health carefully throughout the whole process, so I wasn't worried.

In Germany, surrogacy is banned and is also viewed very critically. What's the status of surrogates in Canada? Do they get recognition from society?

Surrogacy is becoming more and more popular in Canada. When I started looking into the whole process a few years ago, I had never met or known anyone who was a surrogate. By now I know a lot of other surrogates in my area. There have been a few newspaper articles about some of the women, to raise awareness of why surrogacy is needed, but that's basically the only recognition I'm aware of.

In Canada, surrogates choose the family they want to carry and deliver a baby for. How did you come to choose Alessandro and his husband?

I chose them because I felt like we just clicked right away. They were so nice and funny, and they felt like family immediately. After we met, I didn't even have to think about the decision.

What do you remember about those first conversations? Then you got pregnant with their little girl. What was it like to bring two almost-strangers along to your appointments, over Zoom, for example?

I remember being nervous before our first Skype call, but the nerves melted away pretty quickly. It was so easy to talk to them.

How did the people around you react to your growing belly?

As my belly grew, people got really curious. In Canada, a pregnancy is a total conversation starter. People just come up and talk to you about it, and most of them didn't really know anything about surrogacy. I was open about it, so I got asked a lot of questions about the whole process.

What was the birth like for you?

The birth is kind of a blur in my memory. It all went so fast! We barely made it to the hospital. We'd joked that around my due date we'd probably have to camp out in the hospital parking lot to make sure we got there in time. But I'll never forget the moment Fabian and Alessandro saw their Sofia for the first time. It was an honor to witness that moment of pure joy.

Did you get pills to stop your milk from coming in?

No, my milk came in just like normal, and in those first weeks I provided as much breast milk as I could for Sofia while she was still in Canada.

Four weeks after the birth, Sofia left for Germany with her dads. What did you feel when you said goodbye?

My whole family and I were sad when we said goodbye. They had become such a big part of our daily lives. It was hard to say goodbye at the airport, but it was also comforting and exciting to picture them going home and introducing Sofia to their whole family. The next chapter of her life could begin.

Was there ever a point when you felt you had given your body away, or that you'd been exploited? That's the most common accusation here in Germany. Some people even call it human trafficking…

Not for a second. It was my decision to become a surrogate, and since I already had a child, I knew exactly what that decision would involve at every point.

You're still close today. You Skype with Sofia and her two dads every two weeks. What do those conversations mean to you, and what is your relationship with Sofia like?

Staying in touch with Fabian, Alessandro, and Sofia is something really special for me. We were so lucky to gain new family members through them. It seems like most surrogacy stories don't go quite as smoothly as ours. We really were very lucky.

You had yourself taken off the surrogacy registry. Why? And would you never do it again?

Yes, I had my name removed from the surrogate registry. I told Fabian and Alessandro that I'd go down this road with them again if they ever wanted a sibling for Sofia, but after the connection we'd built, I just couldn't imagine becoming a surrogate for anyone else.

How are you and your family doing today?

My family and I are doing well.