Caution, Not Fear: Why Eva Won't Walk the Woods Alone

Hi friends, the other day Katharina posted a video on Instagram while taking a morning walk through the woods. Eva wrote to us that she wouldn't feel comfortable doing that alone. She said it was out of caution, not fear. We wanted to know more: how long she's felt this way, how it came about, and how she deals with it. She very kindly said yes to this interview right away. Thank you, Eva!

Dear Eva, tell us who's in your family and where you live.

My family is my husband, our daughter (11), and our son (6). I'd say we live in the country, or in a small town.

When Katharina mentioned on Instagram that she takes a lot of walks, you wrote that you wouldn't dare go into the woods alone. What are you afraid of?

Right. Katharina had said she loves walking alone in the woods early in the morning. That honestly surprised me, because personally I'd steer clear of a situation like that. It's important to me to make a distinction here: I wouldn't say I don't dare, or that I'm basically afraid of it. I'm not a particularly anxious or insecure person.

I just wouldn't really feel comfortable, and I couldn't enjoy the time as a way to relax. I'm probably just careful when it comes to situations where, if something happened, I couldn't protect myself well or get help. That's probably the best way to put it.

Do you have any idea where this caution might come from?

My parents let me watch Aktenzeichen XY pretty early on. It's a long-running German true-crime show. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I still remember a lot of the cases, like women being attacked alone at night at highway rest stops. Stories like that stuck with me as a kid, of course, and some of them have stayed with me to this day.

For example, I still wouldn't pull over at a remote rest stop alone at night. On top of that, as an adult you keep running into terrible events in the news and in newspaper reports.

Do your parents know that?

Yes, we've talked about it.

Do you have other fears besides this? Are there things you avoid in your everyday life?

Well, like I said: people who know me probably wouldn't describe me as anxious. It wouldn't be the first word that comes to mind when they think of me. Even when I was younger and we'd go out, I was always the one making sure everybody got home safely.

When I drove someone home, I'd wait in the car until they had unlocked their front door. Or when we meet for dinner in the evening, I'll ask where everyone parked, and I'm often the one who suggests walking to the cars together.

I wouldn't call that fear so much as a certain kind of caution. I just think it's nice when people look out for each other and everyone gets home safe and sound.

Have you ever gotten help with this, or is it not limiting enough for you to feel you need it?

No, it's not that limiting for me. It probably sounds worse at first than it really is. I absolutely go places on my own, I just prefer places where other people are around, and I'm less comfortable in remote or deserted areas.

How about with your own kids? Can you let them go, or how do you handle it?

My kids are still too young to be out alone in the woods or in town at night. When they get older, I'll of course want to know where they are and how they're getting home. I think especially at the beginning, I'll offer to pick them up a lot. But to me that's just part of being a parent, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with my own caution.

What strategies do you have to keep from passing your fear on to your kids?

I don't really have a specific strategy. But it's important to me not to give my kids unnecessary fear. That's why, for example, I don't let them watch shows like Aktenzeichen XY.

At the same time, I think it's important to give them a healthy awareness of risk and to teach them, in an age-appropriate way, to pay attention in certain situations. I want them to grow up independent and carefree, but still know how to act in certain situations.

If your caution comes mostly from what you watched, what do you let your kids watch, and what's off limits?

Like I said, I want them to grow up as carefree as possible. So I do make sure they aren't exposed to content that isn't right for their age yet or that could scare them for no reason. And that goes not just for crime, but for media in general.

Do you wish you could move through the world with fewer worries? What would it take?

I think it would be wonderful if everyone could feel safe no matter the time of day or the place. There will probably never be a hundred percent safety. So what matters most to me is developing a healthy awareness of possible risks without letting it take away your freedom or your joy in life.