Depression Took Everything. Here's How I Found Myself Again

Hi friends, Tanja Kowalkowski has three kids. At some point she realized she couldn't climb out of her depression without help, not as a mom who has to keep functioning for everyone else around the clock. In this piece she tells us how she did it after all, and why she now works as a human energetics practitioner and an expert in ancestral issues. It's the story of her journey back to herself.

We hear all the time about people and their dark seasons. Mine began with a deep depression thirteen years ago, right before Christmas, when I lost my husband and my house, and later my three kids and my well-paid job as a teacher. What I didn't know then: that darkness would become the starting point of an incredible journey, one that led me to myself and to my spiritual liberation.

How I Found My Way Out of Depression as a Mom

I want to share my story to give other people courage. To show that even the deepest crisis can lead to something good. I want to inspire you and show you that there's always a way, even when it feels like the ground has been ripped out from under your feet, and even when you believe there's no way out.

I remember a leaden exhaustion that paralyzed me. A deep sadness that turned my heart to stone. The hopelessness I felt when I voluntarily gave up custody of my kids, because deep down I knew it was the best decision for them. Every day was a struggle. The simplest tasks felt like torture. Guilt haunted me.

I Only See the World Through a Veil

I pulled back and cut myself off from friends and acquaintances. The world around me was blurred while I tried to just get through each day. I felt empty, lost, and misunderstood. The pain was unbearable. My depression showed up in all kinds of symptoms. I lost the joy in the simplest things, and in life itself. That hurt the most.

The constant exhaustion weighed me down. It felt like I was running with the parking brake on. Negative thoughts shaped my days. Trouble sleeping and no appetite didn't make things any easier. It was a vicious cycle, and I couldn't see a way out.

Eventually, in the middle of all that darkness, there was a tiny spark of hope. Deep down, I felt that I couldn't go on like this. I looked for professional help, started therapy, and little by little opened myself up to the world again.

My Way Back

Through conversations, mindfulness exercises, and various training programs in human energetics and epigenetics, I learned to understand myself better. What really helped me was taking a look at my ancestral line. I started digging into the lives of my parents and grandparents. I found a lot of parallels: feeling overwhelmed, feeling guilty, feeling I had to perform to earn recognition. I had taken all of it on without realizing it. Our DNA stores the information and emotions of our ancestors, and they keep getting passed down unless we resolve them.

Spirituality became my anchor, too. It helped me see my depression not as an enemy but as a guide. I learned that every crisis is a chance for growth and transformation. I began to change my mindset, to recognize and release the patterns I'd inherited from my own family system, and to strengthen my intuition. I realized that I'm part of something bigger, and that I have a purpose in this world. Looking at my depression from this whole-person perspective, and drawing on my new knowledge and my spirituality, is what finally helped me overcome it.

Today I Guide Women Who've Been Where I Was

Depression is part of my story, but it doesn't define me anymore. I've learned to see my strengths. My spiritual journey made me the person I am today: someone who loves herself and enjoys life to the fullest. After facing these issues head-on and going through deep healing, I'm back in the middle of life, and I share custody of my youngest kids again.

Today I guide women who have been through something similar back into their lives and into their strength, using human energetics and epigenetics. I hope my story gives other women and moms the courage to find their own way out of the darkness. It's possible to overcome depression and live a fulfilling life.