Dear ones, Tanja Kowalkowski has three children and at some point realised that she couldn’t get out of her depression as a mum who constantly had to work for others without help. In this article about her journey to find herself, she tells us how she managed to do it after all and why she now works as a human energiser and expert on ancestral issues.
We often hear about people and their times of darkness. Mine began with a deep depression thirteen years ago, just before Christmas, when I lost my husband and house, and later my three children and my well-paid job as a teacher. What I didn’t realise at the time was that this darkness would become the starting point for an incredible journey – a journey to myself and to my spiritual liberation.
How I found my way out of my depression as a mum
I want to share my story to encourage others. To show that something positive can come out of even the deepest crisis. I want to inspire and illustrate that there is always a way, even if you feel like the rug is being pulled out from under you and you think there is no way out.
I remember a leaden tiredness that paralysed me. A deep sadness that froze my heart. The hopelessness when I voluntarily gave up custody of my children because I knew inside that it was the best decision for them. Every day was a challenge. The simplest tasks seemed like torture. Feelings of guilt plagued me.
I only perceive the world in a hazy way
I withdrew, isolating myself from friends and acquaintances. The world around me became obscured as I tried to survive each day. I felt empty, lost and misunderstood. The pain, unbearable. My depression manifested itself in various symptoms. The loss of joy in the simplest things and in life itself. That was particularly painful.
The constant exhaustion paralysed me. It felt like I was functioning with the handbrake on. However, negative thoughts characterised my everyday life. Insomnia and loss of appetite didn’t make things any easier. It was a vicious circle that I couldn’t see a way out of.
At some point, in the midst of this darkness, there was a small spark of hope. Deep down, I felt that I couldn’t go on like this. I sought professional help, started therapy and gradually opened up to the world again.My way back
Through conversations, mindfulness exercises and various training courses in human energetics and epigenetics, I learnt to understand myself better. What really helped me was looking at my ancestry. I started to look at the lives of my parents and my grandparents. I found many parallels such as excessive demands, feelings of guilt, achievement through recognition, which I had unconsciously adopted. Our DNA stores information and emotions from our ancestors, and these will always be passed on if we don’t resolve them.
Spirituality also became my anchor. It helped me to see depression not as an enemy, but as a guide. I learnt that every crisis is an opportunity for growth and transformation. I began to change my mindset, recognise and release my imprints from my own family system and strengthen my intuition. I realised that I am part of a larger whole and that I have a purpose in this world. The holistic approach to my depression helped me to ultimately overcome it through my newly acquired knowledge and spirituality.
Today I accompany women who have experienced something similar
Depression is part of my story, but it no longer defines me. I have learnt to recognise my strengths. My spiritual journey has made me the person I am today – a person who loves themselves and enjoys life to the fullest. After confronting the issues and going through deep healing, I am now back in the centre of life and sharing custody of my youngest children again.
Today I accompany women who have experienced similar things to me back into their lives and into their power with the help of human energetics and epigenetics. I hope my story can encourage other women and mums to find their own way out of the darkness. It is possible to overcome depression and lead a fulfilling life.
