When Your 7-Year-Old Burns Out: One Mom's Year With AuDHD
Her 7-year-old loved first grade, until the morning she couldn't leave the house. Gloria tells what burnout looked like and what came next.
Friends, today Gloria is taking us through her family’s past year. She’s giving us at least a small glimpse into her life, even though there’s so much more to tell about ADHD, autism with a PDA profile, masking, meltdowns, school absence, and a seven-year-old in burnout.
“Our family is my husband Moritz, our two daughters, and me. To protect them, I’m calling our girls Tender Soul (7) and Sunshine (5) here, just like on my Instagram page @bunt.und.funtastisch.
“Tender Soul started first grade in summer 2025, with a full-time aide (that means a support person with her for the entire school day), and we began with a kind of gradual phase-in. But let’s start at the beginning, because this story really begins months earlier.
“We already knew in preschool that going to school would be a challenge for Tender Soul, and honestly, how it was supposed to work was a mystery to us, because even in preschool she often refused to go. As I write ‘refused’ here, I can already hear all those voices out there in my head yelling, ‘You just have to be consistent!’ But when I write ‘refused,’ I honestly don’t have the words for what is really happening…
Masking & Meltdowns
“A child who has panic attacks, clings on, nearly hyperventilates, cries, screams, kicks and hits anything that comes near, and sometimes can’t stand to have clothes on her skin because the seams are unbearable. A child who can’t make it across the threshold of the front door, because even this supposedly small demand is far too big. Maybe this tiny glimpse helps put the idea of ‘refusing’ into perspective.
“So we already had these days in preschool, and on the days she managed to get dressed and leave the house, she fell apart completely afterward. As we now know, she was having meltdowns. They were the result of being overstimulated and overloaded, and above all (keep this in mind for later) of unconscious masking: suppressing and covering up her needs and feelings so she wouldn’t stand out.
“If you’ve read all this, maybe you can see why we eventually started the evaluation process. It’s a hard, rocky road with kids, often girls, who can mask. Because if they do it in preschool, they can do it anywhere.
“Many times we weren’t seen. We were written off as the parents who exaggerate and can’t raise their child properly, which dragged the process out for months and years. Until we finally reached an evaluation center that saw Tender Soul, just as she is, all of it.
“Even now I can hear the voices in the background again, saying, ‘Well, if you just keep going… eventually you’ll find somebody who’ll hand you the diagnosis.’ Those voices? Believe me, I had them in my own head too. But one thing was stronger: my love for my child.
Distress, Helplessness, and Feeling Lost
“I saw her, her nature, her love, her tenderness, and also her distress, her helplessness, and how lost she felt. I read books about autism, and we were constantly in touch with professionals and other affected families. After a long road, we finally got the diagnosis in December 2025, after school had started. I’ll tell you: thank goodness it came, because what would have happened without it… I don’t even want to know!
“Back to the start of school. She began with an aide and a gradual, hour-by-hour phase-in to first grade at a mainstream school. Even before school started, we’d been in touch with everyone involved, and we were truly overjoyed to have found a school that, apparently, was ready to walk this road with us.
“Tender Soul was thrilled at first, and she liked going to school. Everything was new, and she liked her aide and her teacher too. A maximum dose of dopamine, absolute rocket fuel for ADHD. So we slowly increased the hours and stayed in touch.
“But at some point we noticed changes at home. Mornings got harder and harder, and after school the familiar meltdowns came back. At the same time, the school told us we now had to ramp up the hours further, because ‘after all, school attendance is mandatory.’
Panic Attacks Before School
“And then came the day of days… Tender Soul couldn’t leave the house in the morning anymore. She panicked, screamed, cried, ‘I can’t go there!’ Of course your own mind is racing in moments like that, because kids have to go to school, right? How is this supposed to work? If we let her stay home today, what will tomorrow look like?
“So it was by no means a casual decision to keep her home that day, and as it later turned out, it was the only right one! That’s how the time of school absence began, and our slide into the burnout of a seven-year-old girl. It was mid-November, and every day we did everything we could to motivate her to go to school, but one thing was perfectly clear to us: where we’d need force, that’s where our line is!
“Without school, without the intense demands from outside, without masking, it became more and more visible how badly she was really doing. Our girl’s joy in life was gone. We had meltdowns several times a day. Tender Soul couldn’t even interact with us socially anymore, and eating was only possible with a tablet. For months she lost a part of herself.
“We spent November and December almost entirely at home, because leaving the house was practically impossible. We were isolated. Nobody could visit us, and we parents couldn’t go out either, because her fears were far too big for us to go anywhere.
“I can say now: it was, and still is, the hardest and most challenging time of my life. Having to go through this, to watch it, while being completely powerless and helpless, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!
The Long-Awaited AuDHD Diagnosis With a PDA Profile
“At some point, after what felt like forever, the long-awaited diagnosis arrived in the mail. You’d think I would have just danced for joy. Instead there was mostly emptiness with a tiny spark of relief. So our child really is an AuDHDer (AuDHD = ADHD and autism) with a PDA profile, and we had it in black and white.
“Who had decided that we were ‘the right ones’ for an autistic child in the first place? And what does that even mean? Questions like these shot through my mind, even though I’d known it before, had read a lot about all the diagnoses, and could see all of it in Tender Soul.
“As far as school was concerned, it was very good to have it all in writing, because I felt like nobody had believed us before. As if we’d made up the autism diagnosis that had been shared with us verbally ahead of time. The school said you couldn’t tell just by looking at Tender Soul and that she always seemed to have so much fun.
“Nobody really wanted to hear about masking. There was so much doubt from outside that at some point I even questioned myself and my conversation with the diagnostician, and whether I had understood everything about the diagnoses correctly. But the proof was there: I can trust my brain! (Most of the time, anyway. 😉)
“The light in our daughter’s eyes had gone out: the joy, the enthusiasm, the bubbliness, the laughter. All of it was gone. Seeing that breaks you as a parent. You can take my word for it. And you’d think that was heavy enough to carry, that it would be enough… Spoiler: there was so much more!
A Violation Notice and a Fine
“From the agency that provided the aide, the school, the local school authority, and the regional government office, we got an enormous amount of pressure. We heard things like ‘Do you really want to be responsible when the local enforcement office shows up at your door?’, ‘The child has to go to school, no matter what! We have mandatory school attendance here, after all,’ or ‘We need to look at the parents’ parenting abilities.’ And we were told that either the child was doing well and came to school, or she would have to be admitted to a clinic as an inpatient.
“Why did we think that was a bad idea? Because an autistic child in a state of exhaustion needs, above all, quiet, a familiar environment, and no pressure in order to heal. So while we needed all our energy for our child in burnout, a huge part of our strength went to fighting the system.
“Even though we’d been transparent and open from the start, and everyone involved knew we were urgently looking for psychiatric care and were on every waiting list, suddenly we were told we had to produce a doctor’s note.
“In January, a notice arrived in the mail accusing me of an administrative offense, with a fine, because ‘I had not done enough to ensure our daughter attended school.’ The energy all this costs! A child who already has an official care level (Germany’s rating of how much care someone needs), who is in burnout, and then on top of that come accusations, threats, and fine notices. Suddenly you’re sitting there writing appeals and calling every psychiatric practice again, only to be told you can ‘apply’ for a spot again in two months.
Staying Strong When You’re at the End of Your Rope
“I was completely at the end of my rope, and I still am, and yet somehow I have to stay strong. Over and over, this sentence in my head: ‘Gloria, you cannot under any circumstances fall apart, or they’ll say all of this is only happening because the mother is mentally unstable.’ I’m not exaggerating! More than once it suddenly becomes about child endangerment, because (or really, even though) the child CAN’T go to school…
“I’ve come to believe that when a child is in burnout, the whole family is. It leaves no one untouched, and our strength is finite. At some point we just can’t anymore. I’m incredibly grateful that on one Saturday afternoon in early 2026 we were able to go for two hours to a support group for parents of autistic children, and that through another attendee we got a contact for a psychiatrist.
“Actually, this practice had no openings either, but because of the emergency and the personal connection, we were able to book a first appointment. As of today, I can say we’ve found a psychiatrist who listens, who sees Tender Soul and us as a family, and who supports us. That should really be the standard. Unfortunately it’s an absolute exception and a stroke of luck!
What Happens Next?
“By now we have a medical excuse and a clear statement. Are we really any further along on the schooling issue? Well, after two appeals, the administrative offense charge against me was dropped. The online schooling we applied for back in January 2026, however, still hasn’t been approved.
“That’s where the system screams ‘BUT MANDATORY SCHOOL ATTENDANCE!’, yet apparently that’s only about being physically present in the school building. The right learning setting (low-stimulation and predictable), and with it access to education in a place where Tender Soul can learn, an online school, is still being denied to her by bureaucratic hurdles.
“We’ve now reached the end of the school year, and Tender Soul is healing. But everything takes time. Once again I got to learn that healing isn’t linear and that it’s not about speed, but about the right direction. We parents can’t heal yet. We’re still walking around with our heavy backpack, and I wish for nothing more than that we can finally LIVE again instead of just surviving.”
Here you’ll find more info on masking:
This story first appeared in German on StadtLandMama.
