When Your Teen Falls Into Drugs: One Mom's Honest Story

Friends, how often do we hear a story and think: Oh, that only happens to other people? And then something happens, to us or to people close to us, that we never saw coming. Today we're talking about teens and drugs, and how that one topic suddenly changed everything for a perfectly ordinary family.

A huge thank-you to Philipp's mom, who shares such thoughtful and realistic insights about life with her son. We're keeping our fingers crossed that things finally turn around, and we wish you all, for the future, a little… boredom. That would be nice for a change, wouldn't it?!

Your son started smoking at 11. How did you find out?

Honestly, we didn't notice anything for a long time, even though we had a close relationship with Philipp. There were no signs at all: no smell of smoke or nicotine, no cigarettes or lighters around the house, nothing like that. It was when he was around 13, I don't remember exactly, that I happened to see him from the car with a cigarette.

What happened next?

When I confronted him afterward, he brushed it off. Then on his 14th birthday, the whole family was still sitting around the table with coffee and cake. Philipp had said goodbye a little earlier to meet up with friends. Then our phone rang. The police had caught Philipp buying a small amount of cannabis. We were, of course, horrified.

How did he react?

Philipp insisted afterward that he'd only been doing a buddy a favor. The weed wasn't for him, and yes, once in a while, but really only rarely, he'd smoke pot too. Everybody does, after all. He was a little ashamed in front of his family, though. Because it was such a small amount, no criminal case was opened.

How do you explain such an early start?

Philipp was always very curious, had a strong need for independence, and liked to test himself, including by crossing boundaries. His impulsivity fueled that (he has actually had an ADHD diagnosis since he was 6).

How does he explain it himself?

Looking back, he says it was through his friends in Scouts that he first started smoking. During the pandemic, he and his buddies would get together and were incredibly bored. Puberty was kicking in, too. Later, drugs were pretty present at school. Kids smoked pot in a small patch of woods next to the school, during breaks and after school, but also before it started.

But then it moved on to other things…

Yes, later various pills started going around. The teachers were very attentive and regularly checked the bags of students they were suspicious of. Nothing was ever proven against Philipp, and he insisted he had nothing to do with it. There was also nothing major that caught our attention.

Did you notice changes in your son because of the drugs?

Overall, Philipp got a bit quieter and withdrew more. We put that down to the teen years, when pulling away is normal. In some ways, his behavior actually developed positively during that time. We partly credited the behavioral therapy he'd done for his ADHD. There were far fewer fights at home, he cooperated more, and he even helped around the house. He also always went to school, and his grades were mediocre as ever, but there was no crash.

So at first, nothing big stood out…

It crept in that he stayed out longer and longer in the evenings. Scolding didn't help; he kept to the agreements. He finally finished school with his intermediate diploma (in Germany, what many teens earn after tenth grade). Over summer break, things escalated.

How did they escalate?

Now he sometimes stayed out until late at night and had several groups of friends we didn't all know. We were supposed to let him enjoy his last summer break. After the break, he started an apprenticeship in a trade. He had arranged the apprenticeship completely on his own, and he enjoyed it.

But?

More and more often, he couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Clear symptoms of depression showed up. He always got a doctor's note, but after four months, when the probationary period ended, he was let go. That was a heavy blow, even though by then it was more than clear that he couldn't have continued the apprenticeship in that state anyway.

When was that?

That was the end of December 2023. From then on he was out at night and slept all day. On January 18, we found him in his room, completely disoriented. He hadn't come home the night before, and we'd already been looking for him that morning. That evening we found him like that and called an ambulance.

What happened then?

Because of the risk of respiratory paralysis, the ambulance took him to the hospital, where he was monitored overnight in the intensive care unit. It turned out to have been a suicide attempt with an overdose of various substances. After that, he was monitored for another 24 hours in the acute psychiatric unit. But since he assured them he wouldn't make another suicide attempt right away, he was sent home.

What steps did you take afterward?

He agreed to go to the outpatient drug clinic at the university hospital in Hamburg. He still refused any further treatment at that point. We asked the youth welfare office for advice, but they just referred us elsewhere. We were able to act on our own, they said, and we'd already been to the clinic. We went to the counseling center they named, and they offered to support us, or Philipp, if he would cooperate. He didn't.

And then?

It took several more months and breakdowns before Philipp realized things couldn't go on like this. At the end of the year, he finally checked himself into a clinic for detox. At first it went quite well, but after about four weeks he was kicked out for breaking the rules.

The result?

He immediately started using again, mainly cannabis and ketamine. Only months later was he admitted again, and this time he stayed for several weeks. Everything made a really good impression. Through a career counseling service connected to the clinic, he lined up an internship. Then he left early, though with something like the doctors' blessing, and he had really good intentions.

But that didn't last long either…

Sadly, he stayed clean for just two days. A simple frustration was the trigger, and surely the people he kept hanging around with, too. Then it went downhill again. Several overdoses, severe depression, no will or strength to change anything. Little by little he lost his friends and soon stood almost alone. He slept the entire day and was awake at night, using.

Did you still have access to him as parents?

He avoided us completely. He seemed like a zombie, and a conversation was no longer possible. For a while, he tried to apply for long-term therapy or rehab through a drug counseling center. I supported him and even came along to the appointments. Then he changed his mind and dropped all of it. Unfortunately, nothing happens without the initiative of the person with the addiction. On top of that, he was an adult by then. He slept straight through Christmas and New Year's Eve.

He also became increasingly aggressive…

Yes, but at first only verbally. On New Year's Eve he attacked us verbally, accused us of abandoning him, and in his rage smashed the glass door in the kitchen. Then he disappeared and confided in his grandmothers, who live right around the corner from us. After a few conversations, we brought him home and he went back to sleep.

Now he's trying to get a grip on it himself…

On January 2, he put his decision into action and began detoxing at home on his own. It looks like he's actually still sticking with it today. He's doing much better now, his old self is coming back, and he has reached out to the clinic again. He's now working on an outpatient rehab program there.

How are you handling it right now?

We have hope, but we're realistic, too. Addiction is truly treacherous. We keep hoping he gets his life under control, and we support him where we can. There are a lot of stones to clear out of the way, including the huge debts he ran up. But all of that is secondary. First and foremost, he has to get stably clean. Only then can he start psychotherapy, because abstinence is the prerequisite.

And what does all this do to you as a mom?

My feelings as a mother, well… I've been through every phase… disbelief, despair, anger, grief, hope, hopelessness, resignation, helplessness… I consider every outcome possible, even a total crash with homelessness, prison, death… But the hope that everything will be okay stays. We keep fighting. Philipp is very open about his use now. That helps a little to understand, and still I'm often just stunned.

What do you hope for?

I really, truly hope, above all for his own sake, that he pulls himself together and can lead a happy life in the end. He has so much potential. Even as a toddler he was so special, with his huge urge to explore. His mind was always wide awake, and he questioned so many things most people take for granted. Annoying sometimes, but also funny and kind.

But he's also taken a lot of hits…

Sadly, because of his personality and his ADHD symptoms, he's had social problems his whole life and has constantly been “knocked around.” The drugs also gave him a sense of belonging. And the tragic part is that, for him, they worked.

How exactly?

Finally quiet in his head, finally not so inhibited around other people. Less impulsivity and less fighting at home. Sadly, it's often the case that neurodivergent people try to treat themselves with drugs. In his case that was a factor too, despite early ADHD treatment, including medication.

What else weighs on you?

Alongside the problem itself, what makes it even harder for family members is the shame attached to addiction, not only but especially when it involves teenagers. The problem is no longer small at all. It keeps growing because drugs are so easy to get and because they're glorified, for example in certain German rap.

And then people judge quickly?

Exactly. Shame often keeps you from confiding in anyone and asking for help. For example, I haven't missed a single day of work because of all this. My coworkers have absolutely no idea about any of it.

Why is that?

I'm afraid of being judged, of being seen as a bad mother who failed. On the other hand, work is also my safe space, where I can pretend I don't have these problems. I'm torn.

But here you're talking to us openly.

Yes, because I see for myself how important it is to bring this topic more into the open and to break down the fear of talking about it. Sometimes it's also hard to find your way around the help system.

What helps you?

I talk with a few close friends and with other family members who are affected. That helps a little, but it's also draining. There are really awful stories out there, and some really do end badly. All we can do is be there and hope.