Three Things I Learned on a Weekend Away From My Four Kids

Hi, friends! Last weekend was a special one. My husband and I had no kids from Friday to Sunday, and we spent it as a couple in a little hotel in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania, in northeastern Germany. It was our first kid-free weekend since August 2024 (here's the story of our last one).

When we became parents, we actually made a promise to each other that we'd spend regular time as a couple. That means the occasional lunch date or a walk without the kids, but also, every now and then, a whole weekend. Our first daughter was almost a year old the first time we went away without her. I had a really hard time letting go, and then I enjoyed it way more than I expected. In those first years we got away as a couple once a year, usually for city trips, because that's exactly what we'd been missing: wandering around together, exploring something new, strolling through museums, losing track of time in a bar at night.

Lately the gaps between our kid-free weekends have gotten longer, simply because leaving two kids at home is a whole different ballgame than leaving four. The only person who can make this possible for us is my own mom. She's 73, still really fit, and raised five kids herself, so she knows big-family chaos well. But of course she's getting older too, and I'm never sure whether we're asking too much of her. That's why I always line up plenty of backup for her, so she can catch her breath too…

So now we have one kid-free weekend behind us, and here are my three takeaways from those days:

1. It really is nice without the kids!

I know that sounds harsh, but I'm standing by it: as much as I love my gang, a break to just be a couple is wonderful. Talking, really talking, without interruptions. Seeing each other as partners and not just as parents is sooooo important. We're very lucky that after so many years together, we still really like each other and enjoy being together. We're good at being just the two of us, and that makes me happy.

2. Doing whatever you want is wild

Waking up when you wake up, not because a three-year-old is standing at your bed. Just lying there and enjoying the quiet. Drinking coffee in bed. Reading the paper at breakfast without watching for a glass about to tip over or checking whether everyone's had enough to eat. Going for a walk when you feel like it. Reading, hitting the sauna, having dinner with no time pressure. Shaping the day the way you want to, without taking anyone else's needs into account. In our full everyday life, we're barely used to that, which makes it even nicer to experience it once in a while.

3. Time off is a luxury

And not just because you need someone to take over the kids. My mom has to travel all the way up from Bavaria, and friends have to cover rides to activities and playdates. It's also a financial luxury! Travel costs, the hotel, eating out. This time we were only an hour and a half from Berlin, because all we wanted was some peace and quiet. And still, the costs and the effort add up quickly. I know not everyone can afford this, and I'm so grateful that we were able to make it happen.

It also hit me that a weekend away together is a different thing from going out to the Italian place for dinner as a couple. You settle down differently, you connect differently, and you switch off differently. I still get a queasy feeling in my stomach every time we start one of these weekends, but I've learned to hand things off and trust other people. The big kids are old enough to really help out. Our friends are happy to chip in and take some of the load off my mom. And my mom is happy to have a long stretch of time to enjoy her grandkids.

And even though we didn't do anything “exciting” this time (meaning we weren't off in some cool city), the weekend was simply perfect. Quiet, lots of nature, lots of conversations. I'll be living off that for a very, very long time.