Why This Mom Wants to Foster Babies and Toddlers Short-Term

Hi, friends! Pia's own son is six, and she and her husband have just applied to become a foster family. Specifically, they want to do short-term emergency foster care, where children can land safely when they have to leave their own families. From there, they either go back home or move on to a new forever home.

Pia, you and your husband applied to become a foster family so you can take in kids short-term. How did you come up with the idea?

My best friend's parents used to take in emergency foster kids, and even back then I remember thinking, wow, I'd love to do that someday. And my husband and I started talking about it pretty quickly, too. Even before we had a child of our own!

How did he react?

He was open to it, but he couldn't really picture what it would look like. I used to work in a preschool, and when I became a mom myself, I saw a lot of things differently. Plenty of what happened there suddenly hit really close to home, and working there got harder and harder. When I started thinking about what I could change, the idea of emergency foster care came back to me.

And when did you want to get started?

I knew we'd have to wait a little until our son was old enough. The agency we work with wants your own kids to be around pre-K age. There's also a difference between emergency foster care and full-time foster care. With full-time care, the kids eventually go to daycare or school. With emergency care, you're home with them, and that's my plan.

That way our son wouldn't have to go to the after-school program, and I'd be there. I just love the idea that I can be there more for him, and that he can come straight home after school. Of course, we'll have to split our time between two kids. But I think—we think—we'll still end up with more time together than if I kept working outside the house.

What does a family need in order to be approved?

A background in education is preferred. I'm a trained early childhood educator, for example. Parents without a background in education can take a course instead. You need a spare room in the house, and of course you have to submit an enhanced background check and show proof that you've taken a first-aid course.

That's the technical stuff. On the personal side, you need a certain amount of empathy, mental stability, and some structure in your daily life. It also helps if foster parents are willing to sign up for training or supervision sessions, if only to have a place to talk things through. And you need to be willing to reflect on what you're doing.

What do you imagine it will be like when the time comes and the first child arrives?

Oh, I think we'll jump every time the phone rings, thinking: “Oh, could this be it?” I think we'll be a little on edge, but in an excited way. With emergency foster care, you sometimes don't know much about the child beforehand. It can happen very fast, and within hours someone is at your door. I'm sure that's going to be incredibly exciting.

We don't know in advance whether it will be a baby or a toddler. We said anywhere from newborn to a year and a half, so we have to get everything ready for a child ahead of time. And for the child, everything is new at first. It's entirely possible they'll cry a lot and be restless until they've settled in a bit.

Until the little one realizes they can finally relax here with us. That they're safe with us and everything is okay. And of course it's going to be exciting for us, too, and a lot to take in. We grown-ups will have to put our own needs on hold until every family member has found their new place.

Are you already thinking about what saying goodbye to the child will mean for you?

Sure, but honestly we don't spend a lot of time worrying about the goodbye, because I have a very clear, professional attitude about it. Saying goodbye is simply part of the “job” of emergency foster care. Of course this child will get all the love and closeness they need, but I always know the child will move on again, and that's a good thing.

We chose this on purpose, to be a temporary home for each child. Still, every child will become part of our everyday life, so of course we'll take them into our hearts. And I can imagine it'll be harder or easier depending on how long the child stays with us.

We'll probably need some time to process the goodbye and to be a little sad, so we wouldn't dive right into the next “project.” We'll see how everyone is doing and then decide together whether, how, or when we keep going.

Did you involve your son in the decision?

Our son is six, and of course we talked it over with him. We explained that some kids are taken out of their families because their parents can't take good care of them right at that moment. And that we're thinking about becoming a temporary home for them, a place where they can come and stay for as long as they need to.

The first thing he said was that he'd like a little girl, a baby. So there was a lot of openness right away, even though at six he doesn't understand the full weight of it yet. For him it's all still pretty abstract. In the end, we'll have to see how he does once the first child is here, and we'll keep a close eye on him.

But I do believe that if we bring our own child along with us in a good way, he can benefit from it, too. Our son is an only child, so at least for a while he gets siblings. I'm sure he can take a lot from that. Even if he'll sometimes have to wait longer for our attention than he's used to.

What do you hope to get out of this yourself?

Mostly we're glad we can help in the moment. At the moment when there's real need. And that the kids come into a family instead of an institution. I can simply be there for the child. In my job at the preschool, I often couldn't do right by everyone at once.

Sure, I won't have coworkers anymore, but through the consultations I'm still constantly talking things through and reflecting. We can also swap experiences in groups with other emergency foster parents, and I can attend trainings. So I keep growing AND I have more time for my son, who can do his homework at home again.

Did your own family ever take in foster kids when you were growing up, or is this brand-new territory for you?

Well, in our families there were never any foster kids. But like I said, my best friend's mother did emergency foster care back then.

Do you ever wake up in a cold sweat wondering what you've signed up for, or do you have other worries about the huge responsibility ahead of you?

Oh, no, not really. The way I see it, the child is going to be better off here, first of all. In the end, we can't do everything perfectly, but we have a stable daily routine with clear structure, and we give kids security. Those are the basics, and we can grow into whatever other challenges come up. We're willing to grow, and we can only learn from it. Honestly, I'm more excited than worried.

What are you most looking forward to?

Another little person. We honestly can only picture it with small children, because they're not carrying as much baggage yet. When a four-year-old is taken out of a family, they're much more aware that they're being separated from their parents than a baby or a toddler would be. Sure, the little ones notice the change, no question, but I do think it's a bit easier for them to settle in here, and easier for us to walk them through it.

With our own son, we often felt pressure to do everything perfectly, and because of that we didn't enjoy a lot of moments as much as we could have. The first years go by so fast when it comes to development. Now we're simply looking forward to helping kids through those early years again. I think we'll be more relaxed about it after going through this with our own son.