Dear ones, I’m sure you all remember the fate of Steffi Ewald, who lost her son, husband and daughter and about whom we have reported here time and again. Ann-Christin is now a good friend of hers, as she also lost her husband and daughter. The two of them have become something like fated friends. They both know how the other feels, how painful it is to miss them and how difficult it is to reconcile the new life with new people with the one before. So touching!
Dear Ann-Christin, you’re close friends with Steffi Ewald, you’re kind of fated friends, how did you meet back then?
Steffi and I met at Lübeck University Hospital in autumn 2014. My daughter Lotta had already been undergoing oncological treatment for a few months when Steffi’s daughter Neele was also diagnosed with cancer. The girls were the same age and we got on well straight away and also spent time together outside the clinic.
What exactly was your daughter’s diagnosis?
Lotta was first diagnosed in 2014 when she was one and a half years old: bilateral kidney cancer. This was followed by countless chemotherapy sessions and major operations, for which we had to go to Munich for a few weeks. Two years later, things were looking pretty good and we were actually living a „normal“ life.
What did the situation do to you as a family?
The diagnosis was of course a shock. „How quickly life can change,“ I thought at the time. I took Lotta to the paediatrician for a check-up as she was over a year old and still unable to walk. The doctor just wanted to have a look at her, check her development curve and examine her. During the ultrasound, he discovered „unusual growths“ in the abdomen and referred us to the university hospital.
„Probably a harmless cyst“, he tried to reassure me. I told Lotta’s dad and just a few hours later we were in the paediatric oncology department. It was all so surreal and I found it really difficult to say the word cancer at first. Yes, my daughter had cancer. As a family, the whole thing brought us closer together, we accepted fate and made the best of it.
Lotta was so incredibly brave, never lost her cheerfulness and captivated everyone. Despite everything – between chemotherapy sessions – we travelled to Spain in our bus, bought a house and got married. Through it all, our families and friends were incredibly supportive.
Her (half) sister Lola – my husband Olaf’s daughter – was also particularly important to Lotta. After Lotta had kidney surgery in Munich in 2016, she went to nursery and we had three carefree years. I have to say that they were really carefree. Of course, check-ups were associated with a queasy feeling, but I firmly believed that everything would turn out well.
In the summer of 2019, three years later, Lotta’s dad received the devastating diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Less than a year later, he died as a result. In autumn 2019, shortly after starting school and while Olaf was undergoing oncological treatment, Lotta was diagnosed with a recurrence. She was plagued by an annoying cough and we thought it was pneumonia. Lung cancer, very advanced – that was the diagnosis.
Giving up was out of the question for us. Lotta bravely endured several therapies/surgeries with all their side effects and her zest for life was undimmed and infectious. Lessons in the intensive care unit (at her request), visits to musicals and hotels and great weekends with her sister and friends. Her energy was boundless.
Once she said to me: „But we’ll carry on as happily as ever, won’t we? No matter what comes…?“ „I promise you that!“ I replied! In March 2022, Lotta passed away a week before her 9th birthday as a result of her illness.</p
How did you stay in touch with Steffi later on?
We actually kept in touch all those years, mostly in writing. We saw each other a few times privately and during check-ups at the clinic. During corona, we only wrote to each other. We actually saw each other again in 2022, after our girls died. Since then, we’ve been in regular contact and see each other very often. We don’t live far apart either.
How do you support each other?
The friendship with Steffi means an incredible amount to me. The shared fate connects you and you really feel understood. It’s just different when someone has experienced the same or something similar. Despite the empathy of my dearest friends, she is the only one who really knows how I feel. No one else can put themselves in my shoes. I couldn’t imagine beforehand how exactly it really feels when your own child dies.
I find it good to talk to Steffi. We often talk about what we’ve experienced, cry together and laugh so much together. I think we support each other and there is an unspoken understanding. People of the heart!
When, how and where did you last feel really close to each other?
The last time I had breakfast with Steffi, we talked about all the changes in our lives. We both realised how quickly everything had changed and how many new things had come along. Her family situation has changed and a lot has happened to me too. We felt very close in this conversation because we both realised that it is sometimes not so easy to reconcile the new happiness with the old life and the loss. But it was this unspoken understanding that really connected us at that moment.
How is the situation in your family now?
Since Olaf and Lotta’s death, I’ve been living alone in our house and am in the process of downsizing. I still have a lot of contact with Lotta’s sister Lola and am happy about the good relationship. After Lotta’s death, I bought a bus and spent a few months travelling this summer. Quite spontaneously, I also travelled to a campsite near Valencia, where I had already been with Lotta and Olaf.
I met someone from Hamburg who also used to go there with his family. He unexpectedly wormed his way into my heart and I never thought I would fall in love again. But sometimes things turn out differently than you think. I’m really incredibly happy and he’s very sensitive. I’m sure my whole situation isn’t always easy for him either, and I’m very grateful that he’s by my side in this new phase of my life.
Is there anything else you would like to tell people in difficult situations? As a little encouragement perhaps?
I would like to tell people that there are small moments of hope even in difficult times. Lotta’s cheerfulness has shown me that despite all the sadness, we can also experience beautiful things again. Just as I have now found happiness again with my new partner, I simply want to show that it is worth carrying on – and that there are always little rays of hope. It’s important for me to emphasise that everyone deals with grief differently and that there is no right or wrong way. I just hope that I can provide a little encouragement.
