I Want a Second Child. Does My Longing Count Less?

Hi, friends. When we hear about someone struggling with the longing for a baby, we usually picture women or men who aren’t parents yet but would love to be. But of course there are also families who already have a child, want more, and it just isn’t happening. Or where the parents see it differently. That’s exactly the situation for Marion, who shared her story with us.

Marion, you reached out after our article on struggling to have a baby and wrote that you long for a baby too, but this wouldn’t be your first child. Is that right?

Yes, that’s right. I already have a five-year-old. I’m 39, so I’m starting to hear that biological clock ticking. The longing for a second child is really strong right now.

Can you tell us a little more about your family?

My husband and I have been together for over 17 years and married for six. We both work. I’m part-time and my husband is full-time. We live in the country, which we absolutely love. Our kid is very lively and needs action, but can also sit quietly for hours listening to stories and making up their own.

When did the wish for another child come back, and what would your dream family look like?

I’ve always wanted two kids. After my first child was born, I wrestled with it for a long time, but in the last two years the longing has come back. It’s been really intense since early 2025.

How does your husband feel about you wanting another baby again?

My husband was pretty surprised when I told him. A second child just wasn’t on his radar at all. He thought about it for a long time and really didn’t take it lightly, but in the end he said he doesn’t want a second child. He doesn’t want to start over from the beginning, and he just doesn’t feel up to another baby.

Can he understand your wish, and how does it affect you that you want such different things?

He understands my reasons very well. I think he’s also truly sorry that he has to disappoint me, especially when he sees how sad I often am. Still, he sticks firmly to his decision.

It weighs on me a lot that we want such different things. Until now, we’ve always agreed on every big decision, and in this case there’s no compromise. It’s just yes or no.

On the one hand, I’m very angry with him and disappointed that he’s “denying” me something I want this much, something that’s been central to my life. On the other hand, I understand his reasons, and it’s right not to just jump in blindly when you have such big doubts yourself.

In general, I’m often very sad, and lots of situations set me off. For example, when I see other moms with a toddler and an infant car seat, or when I have to go through clothes our child has outgrown…

Do you think you can let go of the wish for another child?

Right now it feels like the pain of not getting something I want so badly, and the longing for a second child itself, will never fully go away. I think someday I’ll regret not having another child. But since there are no alternatives for me, or for us, I’ll probably have to accept it.

Would your first child like a little brother or sister?

Honestly, I don’t know.

Do you feel like you’re allowed to be less sad about this unfulfilled wish than women who have no children at all?

Yes, even though I don’t want to presume to compare the two. I can only vaguely imagine what it must be like when the wish for a child never comes true. I’m very grateful and happy that we have a healthy, cheerful child whom we both love more than anything.

I just wish there were more understanding and visibility for the fact that it’s similarly sad and painful when the wish for another child doesn’t come true, for whatever reason.

You often hear things like “If you already have such a healthy, wonderful child, you should count yourself lucky. It’s so much worse when the wish never comes true!” or “Oh, that’s rough, your husband not wanting a second child. We settled that BEFORE the wedding, because it’s essential.” And just as annoying are all the people around you who automatically assume you don’t want another child…