The Driver's License Appointment That Wasn't (and the Future That Is)

Hi, loves! So much exciting stuff is happening in our kids' lives right now that I hardly know where to start. The future is right there in front of them. Maybe I'll start with how much I love staying connected on social media with people from earlier chapters of my life, like the ones from our Berlin days, when we helped start a daycare together.

One of the moms from back then just posted that her son got an athletic scholarship in Canada and is heading abroad for three years. I still remember being called in for a parent conference, right after the twins were born, because our "big" girl (a two-year-old at the time) had bitten that very kid. Now there's a photo of a pro athlete, and I can't believe it.

It's always so wild with "kids" you haven't seen in ages. You look at the photos and think (and don't say out loud!): Good grief, you got big. But then, our daughter is about to turn 19, and her friends are simply adults now… and it's not only them who are growing up.

Last week I took the twins to the city services office to apply for their driver's licenses. (In Germany you can start driving at 17 if an approved adult rides along.) Getting an appointment was tricky from the start. I kept checking the office's website, but there were never any openings. I asked my fellow council members what was going on with our city administration, and the answer was: "Oh, Lisa, they only release new appointments on Wednesdays and Fridays. Everybody knows that, so they're gone instantly. But no problem, just go to the county seat to file the application." Done and done.

And you know the kind of afternoon this turns into. An hour before the appointment, you read what you need to bring. Proof of a first aid course, printed out (because heaven forbid anything could be done digitally, ha!). Eye test, printed out. The driving school's progress sheet, printed out. Copies of the parents' passports and driver's licenses, on actual paper. Plus, for each kid, an application for accompanied driving at 17. Oops. We don't have those.

So I quickly checked the driving school's website: no application to download anywhere. Finally I called the school and asked, um, could I come by RIGHT NOW to pick those things up? Sure! So, detour, everybody in the car, hurry, hurry. No parking in front of the school, so I pulled over at the curb, jumped out and ran to the door. "Mom, don't run, so embarrassing."

From there we drove to the next big town. Into the parking garage, out of the car, and in the office one minute before our appointment. So happy to have pulled it all off, phew! And then: "Um, you can't submit the application here. You have to go to the office in the town where you live." But we're part of the Rheinisch-Bergischer Kreis, our county! "Yes, but you're not registered here." Aaargh.

And this was the day after I'd spent hours the previous afternoon in the ER with one of the boys. Second afternoon in a row of stress and nothing to show for it. For a second I stomped my foot in pure rage. I asked the boys if we could at least get ice cream now. "Nah." So back to the car. Switch flipped.

I said: Well, boys, at least we got to spend an afternoon together again, which doesn't happen so much anymore. And the two of them shower me with praise: "Mom, you're just so great. Thank you for everything you do for us. We'll just book another appointment. It's not like we're in a rush." Aww, my sweet babies <3

On our way home, we notice that no-parking signs have suddenly gone up at the bottom of our hill, on a curve where you could hardly see past the parked cars. It was a real danger, especially for our boys in their tiny little car that tops out at 28 mph and doesn't accelerate like a normal vehicle. "Mom, did you and your caucus push that through? You voted for that motion, right?"

And yes, those really are the teeny tiny things we can change in local politics. Isn't it great when you can actually see the result? "Next up, fix the appointment system at the city office, right, Mom 😉?!" they laugh… and the afternoon turns out okay after all. Then our daughter asks for cash for her university project trip to Asia, and then one of the twins gets an internship offer in Berlin (we'll see whether we book a hotel or a vacation apartment… I'm definitely coming along).

The future is wide open for them

It's all so exciting when the future is still wide open in front of them. And then I happened to talk with an acquaintance who bought a horse around the same time I did (different barn). She's deep in her own kind of "postpartum" haze right now, feeling like everybody is weighing in on what she should do. She wants to get to know her horse first, and she doesn't want to train with a heavy hand. So I told her: "Listen to your gut and do your own thing, no matter what anyone else says."

With my first baby, people told me I could only nurse every four hours, but my baby was hungry every two. I was also advised to just let her cry at bedtime. Instead, I stayed with her until she fell asleep for a solid decade. Or, after one too many fights among the boys, someone from the older generation once said: "Back in the day, that would've earned a smack by now." Nope. Not here. Never will be. We do things differently here.

I told the new horse owner all of this, including how the kids thanked me that very afternoon for investing so much time in them. So they've "turned out" okay, as in: kind, appreciative people who no longer spend the whole day beating each other up, even though there were never any "punishments" or any "heavy hand."

And that in the end, what counts is staying true to yourself, acting authentically and from your own convictions, and not going against your own values. Not just with kids, but with every living creature. "Let people talk. You know best what you and the one in your care need. Get the fun back and do it the way you think is right." "I needed to hear that," she said, and went and did her own thing. The way she thought was right. Not the way the others did, the supposed "professionals," who are really just looking through their own glasses too. And those are a different pair than yours…

When did you get confident enough to stop letting outside comments rattle you and just do your own thing? And do you feel it paid off in the end, even though some people may have thought it would never "amount to anything" that way?