At the End of Your Patience, There's Still So Much Puberty Left

Hi, friends! Wednesday is Teen Time day, and today we're talking about humor in the teen years, because at some point it becomes a survival skill. So this time we treated ourselves to an expert interview with Matthias Jung, “Germany's funniest teen expert” and author of the Der Spiegel bestseller “Chill mal” (“Chill Out”).

If you want to see him live, grab a ticket fast. On March 6 at 7:30 p.m., for example, he'll be at the Haus der Familie (a family center) in Wipperfürth, Germany, with a program made especially for dads (which is also very funny and informative for moms). If you live too far away or can't make it, check out his other appearances on his website.

Dear Matthias, you're the dad of a growing kid, and you say, “At the end of your patience, there's still so much puberty left.” What are the biggest challenges at your house right now?

Right now, the hard part is getting my son out of his room. He's pulled back and is having what he calls a “rendezvous with himself.” He's cutting the cord and getting to know who he is. That has to happen. I figure he'll come out by the time he's 18.

When you think back to your own teen years, what was different and what was similar?

I always loved arguing loudly with my mom, too. The advice to “not take it personally” is right, but it's also extremely hard and takes a lot of practice. And I'm convinced you need the breathing exercises from birth prep class again ten years later. I've even heard of midwives who dropped by again after week 600.

In what areas of your life are you still the rebellious kid you used to be?

Well, I have a rebellious job, which isn't exactly typical and is very colorful. I write books, give talks that are very funny, do some consulting now and then, and run workshops. You're your own boss. All by yourself, all the time, but with a lot of fun.

How do you manage to get your “Chill mal” kid to take out the trash or clean his room, with humor?

With teenagers, a lot works on the fly. In the morning, right before school, I'd just hand my teenager the trash bag. His mind is already somewhere else, so he has no time to complain, and then at school he says, “Oh man, I still have the trash bag!”

A lot of our readers have kids who really have NO interest in school and seem to have zero drive. What do you do?

I've found that our teenagers decide when they want to put more into school again, not us. It often doesn't come until around tenth grade, when they realize they'll need a decent grade or two for college. In theory, that realization might never come at all, because the whole school thing just isn't for them. School is mandatory. They have to go. We get to choose our work. We should focus more on ourselves, hand over responsibility, and still offer help. But at some point, the initiative has to come from the teenager.

How do you respond to “But everyone else is allowed to!”?

I'd say: Okay, then let's call the other kids' parents. 🙂

How do you keep your sense of humor when things really blow up?

Well, my book “Chill mal” was written before my son hit puberty. When things blow up, I reread a few passages and think, so many parents have read this. It must be true, what's in there. And that calms me down.

I also know he isn't doing anything against me. He still loves me, even if it doesn't always feel that way. He's just slowly turning to look in the other direction and heading down his own path. It's not easy for us parents to let go.

What do you think is the biggest challenge for parents of teens? Screens?

Media really is always a popular topic. It's important to me that it doesn't only have a negative ring to it. Of course, discussions about screen time are often necessary, but you should also try to stay connected in a positive way. You do that by being curious, asking about trends, and being happy when your teenager shows you a video. Even if it's often not our kind of humor. It's still good. Because that's how trust gets built.

How do you stay a couple despite the craziness at home? Do you ever butt heads over parenting?

Absolutely, because everyday life with kids is often stressful. What matters is that you don't lose each other as a couple, and that you keep making dates now and then. And that's the nice thing about puberty: it's getting easier and easier to do that again.

But my wife was once so mad at me that she let me get elected class parent rep at the parents' meeting that evening. That's grounds for divorce. 🙂

On March 6, you're giving a talk called “Chill mal, Papa” (“Chill Out, Dad”). What makes a dad's view of puberty so special?

A lot of moms come up to me after my talk and say it would have been great if their husbands had seen it, too. That matters, because dads often can't handle the changes our teenagers go through.

They don't know what's happening. They often educate themselves less than moms do, and sometimes they just think, across the board: “We did everything wrong raising them. Look at how he or she is acting right now!” But there's so much more going on, and we go through all of it that evening. With plenty of humor, of course... and there will definitely be a beer or two. That way we're always on the safe side. Because the word “puberty” has “pub” right in it...