Christmas Eve With Teenagers: What Stays, What Changes

Hi friends, it's Christmas Eve, and we're celebrating with the whole extended crew: four teenagers in all. Our oldest waits tables at a café on the morning of the 24th, so we decided to just go have a late breakfast at her café. It gives us a little bit of Christmas feeling out in the world.

We're not traveling, so here and there we treat ourselves to something outside our own four walls, just to break out of the hamster wheel for a minute. Lunch will probably be something small at home, and then it's off to church. That's our tradition, and funnily enough, all the kids come along without a peep.

They understand perfectly well that this is what the day is really about. In general, we're not a very ritual-heavy family, but on Christmas Eve we are. The menu isn't always the same. One year we rolled our own sushi, another year we made goose. But the flow of the day is pretty much always the same.

How we shape the day

In the morning we do something small, like meeting friends at a café or going for a walk. We have a little soup for lunch, then get dressed up for church. After that, we head back to the farm, to my parents' apartment, where cookies, hot cocoa, and coffee are waiting and we sing a few more Christmas carols.

What's changed over the years is mostly the boys' voices, which keep getting deeper 😉 We all still sing off-key, though, every one of us in this three-generation household. At some point a little bell rings in the living room next door, and the door that got star stickers the day before and was locked is suddenly open again. We all jump up from our chairs, buzzing with excitement, and head over practically in a conga line.

Christmas Eve with the whole family

Cutest of all is my niece, now 7, who still gets nervous and goes wide-eyed with wonder. We marvel right along with her at all the lights, the decorated tree, the little piles of presents tucked into every corner, the table with its red velvet tablecloth. Then we read the Christmas story under the tree while the dogs sniff out the first marzipan potatoes (a German Christmas candy). We toast with a little glass of sparkling wine, wish each other a Merry Christmas, and then it's on to the presents.

The boys usually unwrap as fast as they eat. My daughter prefers to spread her unwrapping across the whole evening and savor it. Only after that do we move on to the big dinner. This year I asked the boys whether they wanted to go out later that night. They just gave me a funny look and said, nah, for them this was kind of the day for family.

Christmas in my own teenage years

With our oldest, though, I could imagine she'll drive over to her boyfriend later. Or he'll come over to us. Like the neighbors, by the way, who almost always stop by for a few glasses after their own dinner. Sometimes we play games, sometimes we try out presents, sometimes we just chat, sometimes there's even dancing. And every now and then we're so wiped out we're yawning by 9:30.

When I was a teenager, my brother and I would head over to a friend's “kids' living room” after dinner on Christmas Eve and celebrate with our group of friends. Later we often ended up at a holiday party at the local club, the E-Werk. So, you can tell, our parents were pretty liberal too, and wanted everyone to get the Christmas they wished for. Still, I think it's lovely that this year our kids said they're staying put and spending the evening at home, and I'm curious how it'll go.

Your questions about teens at Christmas

Before writing this, I asked you what you wanted to know about Christmas with teens. I think I've already answered some of your questions in the text, but a few are left: how we handle gifts for teenagers, what expectations come with that, how we deal with teens' disappointment, what attendance is mandatory, what they're genuinely happy about, whether they're allowed to go out in the evening, which traditions stay, and where we adapt.

Like I said: they'd be allowed to go out, but this year they don't want to. Gifts are getting easier at our house, if anything. There were teen trips and driver's licenses over the course of the year, so everyone was pretty modest heading into Christmas. One of them wished for almost nothing, but both of his siblings still came up with good ideas for little things. Another had only two wishes, but pricier ones (soccer cleats, among other things). My daughter just moved out, so she's wishing mostly for household stuff (salad servers, among other things 😉). For our guest kid, we're getting things that are missing (like a charging cable that fits our outlets. Right now they're borrowing mine, and my phone is constantly dead).

There was disappointment over gifts a few years back too. That's painful for pretty much everyone, but all you can do is talk it through, explain, and figure out together how it could still turn into something. What's mandatory at our house is the afternoon: church, singing, presents, dinner. In the morning they can skip it these days if they have good arguments, and late in the evening too.

As for adapting traditions, if they said they really wanted to eat this or that, we'd probably make it happen. Or if someone said, this time let's not all unwrap at once, let's go one at a time, that's possible too. But the rough concept is kind of set, because several generations are attached to it.

We don't expect gifts from the kids, by the way. Of course we're happy if there's a card or a letter, or if they've thought up some little something. I think that's about it. If you have more questions, drop them in the comments. Otherwise, we're just wishing you a wonderful, wonderful day with lots of love, food, and good people.

Merry Christmas, everyone!