Our Oldest Is Moving Out (and I'm Fine. Mostly.)

Hi, friends! School starts back up today in the German state of North Rhine-Westphalia. Our college kid still has a little semester break left, but tomorrow the twins begin the final stretch of high school, with a new course system, new teachers, and probably lots of new faces, since the old classes break up.

I used to be so relieved when the looooong summer break, the one where work and family never quite fit together, finally ended. Not anymore. These weeks I love sooo much not having to set an alarm for 6:30 a.m. I'm just not a morning person. Never have been.

Vacation, Driving Tests, and an Apartment Offer

We just got back from one more week at the beach with all three kids, plus a quick visit from a kid-in-law, and as far as I could tell, everyone loved it. Right before the trip, Twin #2 took the written driving test (passed!).

During the vacation itself, Twin #1 was cramming for his own exam, and then another life-changing surprise landed: out of nowhere, our oldest got an offer on an apartment near campus. So in a few (very few!) weeks, our first kid is moving out.

First of all, experiencing all of this together was incredible. And suddenly the younger siblings were like: Wait, what? She's leaving us? Let's go out to dinner one more time! Let's hit the beach together! It was this feeling of, whoa, our days together are kind of numbered now. All mixed with huge pride that she trusts herself to do all of this at 19.

She'll be sharing the place with one roommate. We tuned up her bike, because in the city everything will be reachable on two wheels, and she needs a new bed too (we found out our tastes are pretty far apart), and oh no, does she need a toolbox? Where do you even buy dishwasher tablets or plastic wrap?

That's what we talk about now. We got home from vacation at 3 a.m., and the very next day we were off to sign the lease. With a little work-and-family juggling, by the way, because she had already said yes to a babysitting job, so she walked into her new home with a child on her hip. Just wow.

Our Oldest Is Moving Out: How's Mom Doing?

As her mom, of course I rooted for her through the whole search. I crossed my fingers and thought back to how exciting it all was for me when I moved to Cologne at 18 and then to Berlin at 19 for college. But our daughter's search was pretty relaxed. There was no time pressure, it was more of a “let's just see what's out there.” And then boom. An offer, despite plenty of other applicants. What luck.

Still, my eyes got a little teary for a second when I was sitting in the car on our way to a day trip and she texted “WE GOT THE APARTMENT.” Because wow. The toddler years dragged on forever, and these teen years are racing by. And she's just so great that we really, really love having her around.. One big decision chases the next, and everything is constantly changing.

Of course our oldest has already gotten us used to her being gone. Between college, work, and her boyfriend, she hasn't been home that much anyway. But moving out is a different feeling, because we will probably never share a household with her again.

On vacation, maybe, but not under our own roof. That makes me so proud, and also a little wistful. A new chapter of life is starting, and at some point it will be just the two of us here. That's a truly weird thought, especially because there have always been so many kids close in age around, running our lives and bringing the house to life. Like a tsunami that swept through and will leave a calm lake behind😉

And the youngest two will probably leave around the same time, so we'll go straight from two kids at home to none. But we're not going to think about that yet. For now, we're getting used to this first big step toward independence from our oldest, and we'll see what comes next. Of course she'll keep coming to visit, but that's just something else.

Meanwhile, Twin #2 is rocking the behind-the-wheel lessons and got to drive on the autobahn this week, and Twin #1 just passed the driving test at the start of the week, too. I'm not going to say “stop time,” simply because all of this is so crazy huge right now!

We can have such great conversations as equals now, and along with all the lovely things that come with that, there's a mean twist: just when you've raised them to the point where they can do everything themselves and life gets really pleasant, they're out the door 😉

I'm not a fan of the saying “We only get 18 summers with them” either… because even after I moved out, I still traveled regularly with my family, and later I moved back to the big family farm myself. And who knows:

When grandchildren come along someday, maybe one or another of our kids will be drawn back to the farm. And if not, we'll visit them in their own homes out in the big wide world and be happy they exist, and that we exist together as a family that's changing so fast, there's not a boring day left.

(Can someone please give this mom's heart a quick hug anyway, waaaah?!)