Teen Time: The Last Baby Is Growing Up, and We're Not Ready

Hi, friends! August is always kind of a month of big changes, isn't it? At least for a lot of us. Katharina's youngest is getting settled into daycare, and lots of kids are starting school or moving up to middle school after the summer break. And I'm in touch with a lot of moms right now whose kids are about the same age as mine. So, big kids... teenagers.

Big Kids: Getting Used to It

One friend sends me a photo from the back seat of her car. Her "big one," her 17-year-old, is driving up front on the left, with an adult riding along (that's how it works in Germany for 17-year-olds), and his younger brother is in the seat next to him. "Takes some getting used to," she writes. Another friend calls me in tears because her "little one," the 16-year-old, leaves tomorrow to spend a whole year in the U.S. And another sends me photos of her 16-year-old heading out in his work gear for his first day as an apprentice in a skilled trade.

And I'm watching my own "baby" take off with his driver's license right now. He just drove himself to the written test in his little microcar (the kind that tops out at 28 mph, or 45 km/h), because we had to work. He had to take a number, sit in a waiting room, wait to be called, sit down at a computer, answer the questions, and then wait until "0 errors" popped up on the screen. He said he exploded with joy on the inside. Later I asked him, "So where did you put all that joy?" "In my little car," he said.

Especially When the "Babies" Grow Up

When it's the "babies" who are getting big, it hits differently. These aren't the first times anymore, because maybe an older sibling already got a license or started an apprenticeship. But all those lasts are humming along underneath.

Or it's the amazement that even the youngest grow up and go their own way, even though they're our babies of the family. We can't stop time, and we don't want to, but the raising part is basically over. We stand along the path, supporting and cheering them on, but they make almost all of their decisions themselves.

They speak other languages. They manage abroad without their parents. They fall in love and out of love. They study for exams, or they don't. They screw up at summer camp and then straighten out after the camp director gives them a talking-to. They go to clubs and dance themselves into ecstasy, or they get lost in their hobbies, or they hang around their rooms at home while we have no real idea what they're doing in there.

Trying Things Out, Forward and Back

They try themselves out. They take two steps forward, and maybe one step back again. They party, they love their friend groups and spend more time with them than at home, and they think about their future jobs. They complain about too much school stress, then see their buddies coming home from their apprenticeships only in the evening, and they're glad they chose school for a few more years after all.

When they're sick, they lounge around on the couch next to you. I'm writing this next to a case of bacterial tonsillitis. Of course they're big, but being sick together is still nicer than being sick alone. I know that from myself, when I'm stuck in bed and the world just keeps spinning without me down below.

Pride and Wistfulness

A photo just landed on my phone from my friend at the Frankfurt airport, where she's saying goodbye to her youngest for a year. I'm getting all choked up too, because I've known her son since elementary school.

My other friend's apprentice is thriving in his trade and will never go back to regular school. And we parents stand next to them, proud, swallowing hard for a second, while wanting this so much for them. We raised them! Look at them go.