24/7 Mom: What Round-the-Clock Care Really Feels Like

Friends, unless you've lived it, it's hard to picture how exhausting 24/7 care for little kids really is. The days drag on like taffy, and you count down to the evening because maybe, just maybe, you'll get half an hour to yourself… Our reader Caro has two kids, a year and a half and four years old, and she's deep in the thick of it. We asked her about it:

Caro, did you have any idea that parenting and 24/7 care could be this demanding at times?

No. Never. Before you have kids, you think you can just keep living your life and the kids will slot right in. I truly never imagined how much kids change your life. In every area. I didn't know you could love someone this much, or worry this much, but also be this exhausted.

What wears you out the most right now?

My oldest just turned four and goes to daycare. The little one is still home with me until she starts daycare at two. Neither of them is a great sleeper, so I basically never wake up rested. And from the second you open your eyes, you're on duty. Make breakfast, change diapers, get everybody dressed, pack the daycare backpack, settle the first meltdowns, sit through the frustration over why the shoes are blue and not green.

Once my oldest is at daycare, I do the grocery shopping and all the errands, take the little one to the doctor, do laundry, prep lunch. "On the side," I keep the little one in a good mood and play with her, and then I put her down for her nap. In that hour I clean the kitchen and drink a coffee, and then she's already awake again.

Then we pick up my oldest, we go to the playground or for a walk, we run a few more errands, then dinner, playing, bath time, helping them fall asleep. And of course all the care work on top of that: the planning ahead, the parenting, setting limits, giving love, refereeing the sibling fights. It's just a hell of a lot. I can't even count how many times a day I hear "Maaaamaaa." The kids are still little and need help with almost everything. It's intense.

Where is the kids' dad?

Yes, I get asked that a lot. Why doesn't Dad help more and take on more? My husband is a roofer, and he's often away on job sites for several days in a row, sometimes the whole week. Yes, it's a family-unfriendly job, and he could probably retrain and do something else. But isn't everyone constantly complaining that there aren't enough tradespeople? Who's going to build the houses, fix the roads, and install the heating systems if there are no more tradespeople?

My husband worked his way up from the very bottom, he loves his job, and we also depend on the paycheck. Whenever he's home, he does what he can. But the problem is simply that he's home less than other dads.

Do you have other support?

Unfortunately, no. We don't have grandparents nearby, and in some cases we're not in touch with them anymore. Babysitters are too expensive, and we can't afford that on one income. I could ask other moms for help, but I feel guilty about it. I think almost every mom is at her limit. At least I don't know a single one who says, "I have so little going on that I'd love to take your kids for a while." I don't want to be a burden to anyone.

What are you longing for?

Good question. I can't answer that off the top of my head, because my own needs honestly play a pretty small role right now. After thinking about it, here's my answer: in the short term, I long for quiet. In the long term, for a way forward in my career. In six months I go back to my job, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to manage that with two kids. Maybe I'll have to change careers, but right now I don't have the energy to deal with it.

Speaking of quiet: I know that feeling well, when you're so drained at night that you can't talk anymore and don't even want to.

Yes, totally. All day long I hear "Maaaamaaaa," and the little one cries and screams a lot when she wants something or doesn't want something. My oldest needs to talk after daycare, and the kids fight a lot, too. There's always noise around me, and by evening I just notice that all I want is quiet. That's why I can't even manage a phone call with friends at night. I don't want to listen or talk anymore. I just want to be left alone.

How do you feel when other people say: Enjoy this time, the kids grow up sooo fast!

I do enjoy the time with my kids. That's not the issue. We have a lot of really beautiful days and moments. I like being with them. And it's still exhausting. Never being in charge of your own time, and being completely responsible for two kids. That they eat enough, that their sandals fit, that nobody forgets their shots, that they feel loved, go to bed clean, don't have to be afraid at night, that the sign-up for the sports class gets turned in on time, that they don't get hurt riding their bikes. That's insane.

It bugs me that all of these tasks get brushed off as nothing. Especially for moms who don't have any help from outside, it's a 24/7 job with no breaks. That's intense. And it's important to acknowledge that!