I'm Dreading Date Night. I Don't Feel Close to My Husband

Hi friends, today we have a reader question about date night. Our reader Valerie writes very honestly about her thoughts and feelings, so we're asking you to be respectful and kind. (We know you almost always are, but Valerie is pretty nervous about how people will react, so we're saying it out loud anyway!)

I'm a Little Scared of Date Night

My name is Valerie. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and we have three kids: a 4-year-old and twins who are 18 months. Just from their ages and the number of kids, you can probably guess that we've had next to no couple time in the last few years. The kids have needed all of our attention, and on top of that, my pregnancy with the twins was really hard and full of conflict. The boys also arrived early, so for weeks we were driving back and forth to the hospital.

To make a long story short: for years now we've worked well as a team, but as a couple we've completely fallen by the wayside. We barely get a quiet minute during the day, and at night we collapse into bed, dead tired. Our sex life is pretty much nonexistent, too. To be totally honest, I don't have the energy to get worked up about it. I accept it, because I know this is a hard season and that other seasons will come.

My husband, though, is sad about it and misses us being alone together. So he found a babysitter to give us more room. We've already met her, she seems really sweet, and we think she can actually take the kids off our hands for a few hours.

She's coming in a week, and we're going to a restaurant. Long term, my husband dreams of us going away for a night, just the two of us. And now I'm going to say something that's really embarrassing and uncomfortable for me: I'm honestly scared of being alone with him. So much closeness has disappeared between us over the last few years that I'm afraid we'll really notice the distance once the kids aren't around.

What if we don't know what to talk about anymore? We all know those couples who sit across from each other at a restaurant in silence, right? What if a weekend for two doesn't feel as good as we hoped? I'm also afraid my body will shut down the moment my husband wants to be physically close. Some of you might say, “Hello? That's your husband!” and I'm ashamed of my worries too, so much so that I don't even know how to bring this up with him, because he's so happy about the chance to be alone with me again.

So here's my question: Is there anyone out there who can relate to my fears and worries? Anyone who has also felt that closeness slipped away during the exhausting toddler years? Do you have any tips for me? Thank you for sharing your thoughts…