Who Pays for What? Teens, Allowance, and the Gray Areas

Hi, friends! Today I want to talk about my teenagers (and almost-teenagers). My two oldest are 12 and 15. And the topic is everybody's favorite: money. Specifically, allowance.

All three of our school-age kids have gotten an allowance since first grade. According to them, it's always sooooo much less than what everyone else gets, of course. We kept forgetting to hand it out every week, so at some point we switched to giving it all at once, on the first of the month, for the whole month. That led to very different behavior: one kid is super thrifty with the money, and another is broke by the third…

When kids are little, it's pretty clear what they spend their money on: candy, a special pen now and then, little knickknacks. Totally manageable and squarely in "allowance territory."

With teens, I don't find it nearly that easy to sort out what should come out of their allowance and what shouldn't. Does she have to pay for the pricier specialty shampoo herself, when I buy the shampoo for her younger siblings?

What Comes Out of the Allowance?

Who pays for the movie with a friend, when I'd obviously pay if I were tagging along? Is makeup an allowance thing? How often do haircuts get covered?

Why do we pay for two pairs of soccer cleats for our son, but a second pair of casual sneakers for our daughter is more of an allowance thing? How many H&M tank tops are part of the "basics" that parents pay for, and when is it one too many?

Up to what age do parents pay for friends' birthday presents? Is an afternoon bagel an allowance luxury, or a basic must, because a kid obviously has to eat (even though she could pack something from home)? And since a scooter license is being considered around here right now: how much do parents pay, and how much does the teen?

Sure, you could say: anything your teen truly needs, the parents cover, and everything else is on the teen. But what does a person really "need"? That's definitely a matter of definition, and in our house it leads to some debates. Does a 16-year-old need a new mascara more or less than her teenage brother needs styling gel for his hair?

So here's my question: how do you handle it at home? What falls squarely into "allowance territory" for you, and what do you just pay for without a second thought? I'm curious to hear what you say.