In Defense of Boys: Why I Love Being a Boy Mom

Hi, friends. I'm writing this as a boy mom, and I have two good reasons:

1. Tomorrow my oldest son turns 12.
2. This week the internet was once again talking about “gender disappointment,” the letdown some people feel when their baby isn't the sex they were hoping for. The conversation also included the sense that these days, people would rather have girls than boys.

I'm lucky enough to have two girls and two boys, and I think both are completely, totally wonderful. And since I get to compare them side by side, I have to say I share the impression that boys get seen less than girls do these days.

My son is a wild little guy, too. He needs a lot of movement, he can be loud, fidgety, unfocused. His worksheets never make it into the binder neatly, he's constantly losing rulers and protractors, and he doesn't see the point of neat handwriting. His energy is practically endless. I love telling the story about how, when he was little, we'd already been on a 3-mile walk by mid-morning, while our friends' daughters were still playing in their pajamas at noon. Our son has always needed lots of movement and plenty to chew on mentally. To this day that's a challenge for us, but above all it's a gift.

I love being a boy mom

Because whatever interests him, whatever excites him, he throws himself into 100 percent, with real passion. He's present, he's no slowpoke, and his mind moves fast. He's funny and wild and sometimes incredibly gentle (“Mom, can you scratch my back?”). We learn so much from him (and about ourselves, too). He takes responsibility, he stands up for the little kids, he's so brave. How great is that?

Yes, from the outside, our daughters may be less “exhausting.” But here's the question: is it a child's job to be as little work as possible? Or is it often the circumstances that make a kid seem exhausting (like too little exercise, too little challenge, a too-stressful daily routine)?

When we celebrate his birthday tomorrow, there will be a whole pack of 11- and 12-year-olds in one place, and it's going to be loud and athletic. You'll hear “dude” and “bro” roughly a thousand times, and the pants will be hanging low. But in every one of these boys I also see a new generation of men who are much more considerate, much softer, boys in whose heads so much social change has already taken root. They're growing up with very different role models and are far more conscious about topics like feminism, racism, and sexism. How good is that? What wonderful men and fathers these boys will become!

It makes me angry when boys get put down the way they do today. With sons, we get the chance to raise the men of tomorrow. With sons, we get the chance to see the world from completely different angles, to step into other worlds, and above all, to learn even more about unconditional love.