Should I Host Christmas for In-Laws Who Don't Think I'm Good Enough?

Hi friends, Christmas isn't that far off, and I'm sure you're already thinking about how you'll spend the holidays. So is Julia, who's sharing her dilemma with us today…

I'm never good enough at Christmas…

“My name is Julia. I've been married for three years, and we have a two-year-old son. My own parents have passed away, so my son only has grandparents on one side. And those grandparents, my in-laws, are what this is about.

“My husband and I come from very different backgrounds. My parents were blue-collar workers, and we never had much money. I grew up in a tiny apartment and was on my own a lot, because my parents were always working, and afterward my dad was, sadly, very often at the bar. As a kid I never went on vacation, never went to the theater, never went to the movies. None of that existed for us.

“My parents couldn't help me with school, but thanks to one dedicated teacher I made it onto the college-prep track and then even went to college. I met my husband through my job and quickly realized that he comes from a completely different kind of family than I do.

“His parents are both college-educated. My husband grew up with two siblings in a loving, spacious home. His parents had, and still have, very clear ideas for their children, and let's just say I don't really fit into that picture. From the beginning, I could feel that they wanted something ‘better’ for their son. They were never rude to me, but they were definitely never warm, either. It's perfectly clear to me that I'm not the woman they wanted for him.

“My husband is an amazing guy. He treats me like a queen, and he's told me many times that he admires everything I've accomplished and that he loves me. I've talked with him about my feeling that his parents aren't happy with me, but he always disagrees and says he doesn't believe that.

“Now Christmas is coming up, and my husband wants his parents to come over on Christmas Eve (the big celebration night in Germany). Our son loves his grandparents very much, and I love it when a child has a good relationship with his grandparents. And yet the thought of it stresses me out. I already know that nothing I do will be good enough. The decorations, the food, my in-laws have a precise idea of how all of it should be. And even though they don't say it outright, I can see that my version doesn't measure up.

“So now I'm asking myself: Should I go along with it, but maybe end up really sad because I feel like I'm not enough all evening? Or do I uninvite my in-laws, but then take a lovely experience away from my husband and my son? Especially since my husband probably wouldn't understand at all… What would you do? I'd love to hear from you.”