Moms on the Ballot: What My First Campaign Taught Me

Friends, when I was in my little crisis of meaning, I thought: I need something for joy, something meaningful, something where I can change things and pitch in. So I started a choir, trained as a family grief counselor and emergency chaplain, and joined a political party. Now, tomorrow, local elections are happening here in North Rhine-Westphalia (NRW), and my first campaign is behind me.

My First Campaign

I can tell you: it was a wild ride. Lots of surprises, lots of second-guessing, but also a deep conviction that women in midlife need to be heard and need to have a say. For many of us that's not an option, because we're still smack in the middle of the kid chaos. For me, my first kid moved out this week. Becoming a mom young can mean you get some freedom back early, too.

It wasn't always a walk in the park. Tempers flare when there's still a typo gremlin lurking in the 18th flyer, and some Saturday mornings you'd honestly rather stay in bed than stand outside a supermarket in the rain, volunteering for your own little town.

On other days we feel buoyed, because the poll numbers turn out better than we expected or because we've gotten so much team love. I've brought you a few takeaways from my first campaign that might give you a small peek into what local political involvement looks like.

By the way, I'm deliberately not naming the party here, because I simply don't want to convince or sway anyone. Everyone who stands for diversity and humane, democratic values should feel welcome here. In times like these, all those forces should stick together, so that something ugly and contemptuous doesn't take power. THAT is what I want for my kids and, maybe someday, my grandkids. So here are my lessons from the past few weeks:

It only works as a team

You spend sooooo much time with the people in your party. They'd better be really nice if you want it to be any fun, and they have to be motivated and up for it if you're going to get through a wild ride like this together. You absolutely need to be able to laugh together, and… mutual appreciation is essential.

Campaigning is lonely

During an election you barely have time for family and friends. You're always in broadcast mode, always explaining, never showing weakness. You're under constant observation, and sometimes people walk right up to you in the supermarket while you're dreamily shopping. And through it all you try to stay likable, listen, and show understanding. That doesn't come hard for me, but over time it drains the battery.

Voters’ anger

“Have a nice weekend,” we call after a man walking past our booth, and he mutters, “I wish you the opposite.” I'm not used to that in my regular life. Out here in the country, we even say hello to strangers on the street. So that stings. And that was only a harmless incident.

We have to live with answers like that when we're handing out balloons or gummy bears along with our flyers outside the supermarket. But people seem to forget that we're all doing this as volunteers, to work toward a better future. Unfortunately, here in Germany it's commonplace to blame politically active people for all the world's ills and dump your anger on them.

So there are also uncomfortable, even threatening situations. One man doesn't say hello, plants himself in front of our booth, turns his back to us, pushes the fabric of his pants pockets outward, and has someone take his picture with us. One town over, a woman pours foul-smelling butyric acid at a campaign booth, and the council caucus offices get attacked. That gives you pause.

Door-to-door flyers with my daughter and niece

I learn just how hard mail carriers have it finding mailboxes when I go door to door with my flyers! The kids were sweet enough to staple little bags of gummy bears onto them, a mini-dose of joy in everyday life. My daughter and my niece even come along on a big round with me, and we marvel at how far apart neighbors can live in the hills of the Bergisches Land outside Cologne, and at how many different mailbox designs there are! And here, by the way: only friendly people wishing me luck!

Nice people

Some people bring us candy or coffee at the booth. One woman says, “I won't vote for you, but I think it's great that you're working for our town.” So sweet. While canvassing door to door, someone offers us a few glasses of water because it's so hot, which is just touching and wonderful.

Always on duty

Since posters with my face on them are hanging around town, people talk to me about it everywhere: at parties in the evening, in the supermarket at lunchtime. It's constantly about politics, even though after a long day you might like to talk about something else. I'll remember that for next time: it's perfectly okay to set a boundary and ask to change the subject 😉

With each other, not against each other

At the town festival, all the parties that respect basic democratic values stood together under one roof to show unity. I performed with my choir at another party's event, and since then I've been on informal “du” terms with several of them (in German, that's the first-name, no-more-formalities way of talking). Our motto isn't “everyone else gets everything wrong.” It's: the main thing is that we don't drift in a direction we don't want for our kids, so please, with respect, and never hostile to democracy. Thank you for so much fairness in this campaign!

There's always more you could do

Show your face at the town festival, talk to people at their front doors, shoot another video with the mayoral candidate, draft another letter to first-time voters, set up another booth… You have to make sure you protect your limits, because of course there's always more. But there can be breaks, too. We're only human.

Just give it a try

Sometimes you wonder why you do this to yourself. On the other hand, I think we need many more moms in politics, moms who know what it means when work and family just don't fit together, who know what women in the middle of life need. And then I think: at least give it a try. Maybe it'll be just one term, maybe more. Without knowing what it's really like to be part of the decisions, I can't say whether it's for me or not. So go for it, and just dare.

I'll definitely take you along on this wild ride again here and there. But for now it's fingers crossed that the results let us have at least a little say. You're voting, right? Every vote counts! And politics always means finding compromises. For lots and lots of people, there's no THE party they agree with 100 percent. So just vote for the one you object to the least.

I'm counting on you, and I wish everyone a great election Sunday. I already voted by mail, and after a horseback ride I'll hopefully stroll over, relaxed, to our group election party, where we'll watch the first projections come in together at 6 p.m.…