Teens at Carnival: What a Cologne Mom Worries About

Hi, friends! February means the "crazy days" of Carnival, the Rhineland's big pre-Lent street party season (think Mardi Gras, German style), are almost here again. So today I want to talk about teens and Carnival, because at a certain age they want to get out and celebrate on their own, too. And that's not easy for parents. I know that from personal experience!

When you know they're out on the packed Zülpicher Straße in Cologne and you wonder what would happen there if a crowd panic broke out. When you tell them everyone needs to stay in the group and look out for each other. When you tell them about the Edelgard Mobil, where women can turn after a sexual assault.

When you explain one more time that nobody has to do shots because of peer pressure. That cell service is often overloaded with so many people around, so they should agree on a meeting spot ahead of time in case someone gets lost. When you point out the Red Cross tents where they can get help if someone isn't doing well, and the water stations set up for the partiers. And when you go over it yet again: everybody leaves right away the second the mood turns aggressive.

I love Carnival, you all know that. But these days (;-)) I stick to the street parades or my favorite pub, which is a very different thing from being squeezed in with tens of thousands of other people on a few streets… Either way, I always breathe a big sigh of relief when all of our own teens, who now go out celebrating themselves, are safely back home after the wild days. Our reader Marie feels the same way.

Dear Marie, your kids are 13 and 16, and Carnival is coming up again in Cologne in February. What exactly worries you?

I worry, for example, that someone could slip something into their drink without them noticing, that they'll misjudge how much alcohol they can handle, or that they'll otherwise be unable to act the way they normally would. And on a more basic level, this topic is of course a wonderful source of conflict, with their drive for independence on one side and my "wish to protect them" on the other. Of course it's important to have those conversations and to put up with disagreements… It still stresses me out.

Have your kids gone out celebrating without you in past years?

My almost-14-year-old daughter hasn't really gone out partying much yet. But she's already heard some secondhand alcohol stories from kids her age, and I used that as a reason to talk with her about alcohol and so on.

In general, I can tell that alcohol is getting more and more interesting to her. My 16-year-old son went out for Carnival for the first time last year. Everything went fine, but I was still kind of glad when it was over. Not because I don't like Carnival, but because I was pretty tense the whole time until he got home in one piece. I also heard from him that an acquaintance had to go to the "emergency tent" because she'd had too much to drink.

What's your worst-case scenario for what could happen?

That they end up in situations where they're no longer in control. Whether because of alcohol and so on, or because of violence…

How do you prepare your kids for the wild days? What do you teach them?

I talk about alcohol, the difference between beer and vodka and so on, and about how the effect doesn't hit right away but often comes on with a delay. I talk about how important it is to drink water, to stay in the group, and to look out for each other. Also to keep an eye on their drinks, and to move away when the mood tips. And not to let shame or anything like it stop them from getting help.

What are you already arguing about ahead of time?

The biggest arguments are about "When do I have to be home?" and how much they hate committing to a specific time in advance.

Which rules do you enforce for your teens at Carnival, and which ones are up for discussion?

Actually, I'm flexible on the time they need to be home if the ride home is taken care of, for example if someone is picking them up. But if there's no "driving service," there's no wiggle room on the time.

Do you take precautions? For example, by not going out yourself so you can head out anytime and pick them up from wherever they are? 

Last year, at least one of us parents was always ready to drive, just in case.

I'm sure you compare notes with other parents. How do they see it?

Besides worrying about alcohol abuse, some are also afraid of violence, like fights and so on. For most, the key thing is that the teens stay together in the group and take care of each other. (Which is a super important thing to learn, too.)

Why do you still think it's great that we have Carnival here in Cologne? And what good experiences do you want for your kids?

As a Cologne native, I just love dressing up and singing Kölsch songs, the ones in our local Cologne dialect. And the atmosphere at Carnival is simply special.

I hope my kids get to feel that wonderful sense of togetherness, whether it's singing together, partying, or swaying arm in arm with the people next to them. And of course the fun of dressing up!