Dear readers, when we notice that our child isn’t feeling well, we naturally start to wonder what’s wrong. Mental distress in children often manifests itself in their behaviour; after all, our little ones don’t yet have the words to describe their feelings. This can be unsettling at first. However, Michèle Liussi manages to help us make sense of this childish behaviour… in her book When Little Souls Suffer, as well as in this interview.
Michèle Liussi, how can parents recognise and support children experiencing psychological distress?
Parents often sense very clearly when something is wrong with their child. And yet many feel uncertain. They ask themselves: “Is this behaviour perhaps simply age-appropriate?” Children rarely show psychological distress in the same way as adults do. They do not talk about inner emptiness, feeling overwhelmed or anxiety. They show it through their behaviour.
What behavioural changes can parents look for to tell if their child is experiencing mental health issues?
Many parents expect visible ‘abnormalities’ when a child is under psychological strain. Yet it is often subtle shifts that first give a clue. A child who used to enjoy talking suddenly gives only brief answers. Another may need an unusually high level of closeness or react unusually strongly to minor issues. Some children become quiet and compliant, others loud, angry or restless.
Mental distress often manifests itself where a child cannot regulate their inner tension in any other way: in sleep, eating, play or physically. Difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, stomach aches or headaches, or a decline in performance can be signs. So too can developmental setbacks – such as bedwetting again or a sudden fear of situations that were previously handled well.
What matters is not so much what a child is showing, but that something has changed. If parents feel: “This isn’t the child I know”, it is worth taking a closer look. Children send these signals not to be difficult, but because they need support.
How can parents determine whether this change is still age-appropriate or a warning sign?
Many behaviours that cause parents concern are part of normal developmental stages. Fears, withdrawal or strong emotions are part of growing up. A warning sign is a change in behaviour when it is unusually pronounced, lasts for weeks and is distressing for the child.
It is helpful to ask: “Does my child regain their balance after a while, or does the change in behaviour intensify?” If children receive support and yet no relief is felt, it is worth taking a closer look.
Why should parents trust their gut feeling that something is wrong?
Parents know their child best. They experience them in everyday life, during stressful moments and in quiet periods. This knowledge is a valuable protective factor. Intuition is not imagination, but the result of experience, bonding and keen perception.
Many parents are afraid of overreacting. But looking closely is always better than looking away. A gut feeling may not be proof, but it is certainly a clue.
What are the events that can cause psychological stress in children?
Stress is not only caused by extraordinary crises. Even supposedly ‘normal’ changes can overwhelm children. These include, for example: the birth of a sibling, starting nursery or school, moving house or separations. What matters is not the event itself, but whether a child can process it internally – and whether they receive support in doing so.
What specific steps can parents take in everyday life to support a child experiencing stress?
The most important thing is the relationship. A child experiencing stress does not need perfect solutions, but reliable support. Listening, taking them seriously, naming and acknowledging their feelings – all of this has a stabilising effect.
It is also helpful to offer the child words to describe their experience, to take the pressure off, to establish routines and to enable small successes. And to make it clear to your child: You are not alone, we can do this together. Sometimes, support also means seeking help from outside sources.
How can parents avoid overburdening themselves?
Parents carry a heavy load. Especially when their own child is unwell, many tend to push themselves beyond their limits. However, children can sense very clearly when their caregivers are exhausted, helpless or constantly tense.
Taking good care of yourself is not a luxury, but a protective factor – for the child too. Those who allow themselves breaks, accept support and take their own feelings seriously remain capable of acting. And that is exactly what children under stress need: adults who are present without losing themselves.
Mental stress is a part of life. It is not a sign of weakness. What matters is how we deal with it. With attention, compassion and a willingness to look closely.
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My book “When Little Souls Suffer” supports parents of nursery and primary school children dealing with mental health issues. It provides sound knowledge to help understand mental health challenges and recognise warning signs. It also strengthens parents’ ability to deal with difficult behaviours and symptoms.
My aim is to reach out to parents as early as possible, so that they remain capable of taking action and do not have to feel alone with their worries. Because well-informed, capable and emotionally supported parents can make a significant contribution to stabilisation, coping and recovery
