No Stress, Lots of Quiet: One Mom's Three-Week Health Retreat

Hi, friends! Today we have a happy story about the mother-child health retreat (Mutter-Kind-Kur), a roughly three-week health stay for moms and their kids that German health insurance can approve. Maybe you're thinking about applying for one and need one last nudge? Then you should definitely read our interview with Annett, because she came home from hers with a whole lot more energy.

Annett, you recently went on a mother-child health retreat with your youngest daughter. Why did you decide to apply?

My days have been packed for years. I have three kids with activities (we live in the country, so kids' hobbies mean a lot of driving), a house, a big yard, and a job with a lot of responsibility. On top of that, I take care of my grandparents. They both have an official care level, meaning they're recognized as needing care, and I do their shopping, go with them to doctor's appointments, do their laundry, and handle just about everything in their lives.

I was raised with "work first, fun later," so it's incredibly hard for me to take breaks. I want to check off tasks and problems as fast as I can, which means my daily to-do list usually kept me going until midnight. Five hours of sleep for months on end is not much. The stress piled up in my body: tightness in my chest, headaches, endless tiredness and exhaustion, and none of it went away even on vacation. I felt driven, like I couldn't stop. My family doctor was immediately in favor of applying for a retreat. She said we couldn't list everything that was weighing on me in the application, or it would sound like we were exaggerating.

We submitted the application in October, my health insurance approved it in November, and after a lot of phone calls and some luck, I snagged a last-minute spot for January.

You have three kids. Why didn't the older two come along?

My oldest daughter is 15, so she's too old for a mother-child retreat. My middle child, my son, is 11 and could have come. He has a severe allergy that comes with constant bouts of pneumonia, so he would have been in good hands there. But he didn't want to miss three weeks of school and his sports club, and at that age everything is dumb without your buddies anyway. He clearly decided he didn't want to go. The two older kids stayed with their dad, my ex-husband, and his family. They're with them a lot anyway, almost like a shared-custody arrangement, and this time it was for the whole three weeks.

Where exactly did you go, and what did you want out of it?

We were in Graal-Müritz on the Baltic Sea. My personal goal was to finally, completely calm down, to feel no stress at all for three weeks, and to be able to breathe deeply again without that tight chest. I wanted time with my youngest daughter without the phrases "Not now...", "Maybe later...", "Hurry up!" I also wanted as much exercise in the fresh air as possible.

What did a typical day look like?

It depended on when the first treatment session started (the schedule included Nordic walking, back care classes, strength training, mindfulness training, group talks, and much more), but on weekdays we could sleep until about 7:15 a.m. Then we had breakfast together. The food was varied and delicious.

After that I dropped my daughter off at the kids' program and went to my sessions. Some days had a full schedule from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., but there was also one day a week that we were supposed to use just for ourselves. Often there was a free hour between sessions, and you could spend it reading, napping, chatting over coffee, or doing whatever felt good in that moment. I often laced up my running shoes and went outside.

At 2 p.m. I picked my daughter up. Then we either joined an optional activity for parents and kids (spiky-ball massage, candle making, or cooking in the teaching kitchen, for example) or we went to the beach, the playground, or the woods. We also loved painting, crafting, doing puzzles, or playing cards with no time pressure. Around 5:30 p.m. we usually went to dinner and then retreated to our room. We got ready for bed together, cuddled, and read, and my daughter fell asleep at 8 p.m. My lights went out at 9, and I slept deeply and restfully.

How did your daughter feel there?

The first few days were a big adventure for her. New surroundings, lots of kids, a completely different daily rhythm, and on top of that, childcare with people she didn't know yet. She handled it wonderfully, and my worries beforehand were totally unfounded. She made friends quickly and looked forward to checking the daily activity schedule posted next to the childcare door.

Since my daughter came along as the companion child, she didn't have her own therapy sessions. She just joined the kids' program, which had highlights like making friendship bracelets and decorating Baltic Sea bottles, plus a trip to the beach every day.

At first she had trouble with the concept of time: how long is three weeks, when is Daddy coming to visit, when are we going home? So we made a calendar, and every evening she crossed off the day. That made everything a little more tangible. We filled the weekends with a visit to Karls Erdbeerhof (a strawberry farm), the Rostock Zoo, and a stroll through Warnemünde. On the middle weekend, my partner, my daughter's dad, came to visit. He had rented a vacation apartment just a few streets from the facility.

All in all, my daughter enjoyed the whole stay enormously. So much mom time! But phone calls with her big siblings were a must, too, and in the end she was really happy when our family was back together.

What was your biggest realization during the retreat?

I knew from the start that a retreat can't solve my problems or change the people around me. Only I can do that. For years I had lacked the time and inner calm to really reflect on my life. During the retreat, I finally had both. I spent a lot of time alone on purpose, going for walks and thinking, not stressed and driven, but with kindness and attention. It was an intense experience.

It honestly took me the whole first week to slow down and let go. At night, events I had pushed down a long time ago sometimes came up in my dreams. On my fresh-air walks, I looked at those things in my mind, said goodbye to some of them, and sometimes just shed a tear I had held back when it happened. In the end, I found my true self again, and that was incredibly beautiful.

Is there a routine you brought home with you and still do today?

Mostly I'm curious how long this feeling of being rested will last. I'm also still much more resilient to stress right now. I can set boundaries better, I don't see everything as a problem right away, and overall I'm more balanced. Unfortunately, my nights are already way too short again and my days too full. But that's my life, and I've decided not to get annoyed or worked up about it, and to be gentler with myself instead.

There are always voices saying negative things about these retreats. What do you think matters for a stay to go well?

First, you should find out how big the facility is and what its focus is. I deliberately chose a small treatment center, to lower the risk of things like stomach bugs a little, for example. The noise level in dining rooms and common areas also goes up the more people there are.

During a retreat, you're bringing together people who are all there for a reason. Everyone has their own baggage. Personally, I didn't go there to make friends, but to find myself again. Our therapy group had 10 people, and of course you spend time together, chat over meals, and swap stories. Still, I made sure to spend a lot of time on my own and alone with my daughter.

It's the same with the treatments: everyone arrives in a different physical condition. Some people are bored during the exercises, and others are completely wiped out. Some are grateful for the experiences and tips shared in group talks, and others feel uncomfortable. But you can adjust things for yourself here, too, and say so clearly. If Nordic walking was too boring for someone in our group, they just went running during that time and the therapists still signed off on it. Communication helps.

Can you tell us about a moment during the retreat that made you especially happy?

In the last week, I reached a point where I felt rested and restored. Out of nowhere, a memory surfaced of the film Die Herrlichkeit des Lebens (roughly, "The Glory of Life"). It's about the last year of Franz Kafka's life, when he meets the love of his life, Dora, in Graal-Müritz! I was instantly fired up and wanted to use my free time the next day to walk in Kafka's footsteps. I even went to the tourist information office to ask whether the house where Kafka stayed was still standing.

The house is gone, but there's a memorial plaque, and a path was named after him. I followed through on my plan and spent five miles on Kafka's trail. I was so grateful that I had the time to follow that inner urge, with no distractions and no stress, knowing my daughter was well looked after, and with no guilt about laundry piling up or other things that needed doing. In that precious moment, there was simply nothing else but me, just me. It was pure happiness and an incredible feeling, and I hope I'll be living off it for a long time.