A Mom of Four on Botox, Retinol, and Having No Limits

Friends, I recently wrote about beauty standards, and how it feels to me like the self-optimization trend is everywhere right now. More protein here, more workouts there, Botox here, microneedling there. I'm not totally immune myself, and it got me asking: Do we want to grow old without any signs of aging, and how does that shape our kids?

After that, Simone reached out to us and wrote: I love all of it, and I always see room for improvement in myself. So we sat down and talked about beauty standards:

Simone, let's talk about beauty standards. How do you see yourself, and what do you find beautiful in general?

I'm 45, I have four kids, and for me personally there's always room for improvement. I was a teenager in the '90s and grew up with Pamela Anderson as the beauty ideal. Today I like women like Shanna Moakler, who's an actress and a model.

You've said you didn't have good role models growing up. Tell me about that.

My mom aged early because of her lifestyle. She smoked, she drank, and she was always stressed. She constantly complained that she had no time for herself because of us kids, and she made fun of moms who got dressed up or used anti-wrinkle cream. She always said, “Once you're married, you don't need to make an effort anymore.”

Even as a kid, I thought that was strange. When I asked her about it, she'd say, “Just wait until you have kids. You won't be able to shower alone anymore, and you won't have time to shave your legs.” Spoiler: I have four kids and I manage to shave my legs!

What do you do to feel beautiful?

I go to the hair salon regularly, I shower every morning, and I put on makeup. In the last six months I changed my diet, lost 22 pounds, and I work out regularly.

But you also use Botox and the like. What have you tried so far, and what have you liked best?

I get Botox every three months and do microneedling regularly. Every day I take collagen and NAD+ (nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide is an essential coenzyme found in every cell, and it plays a key role in energy metabolism and in repairing damaged DNA).

Skin care is really important to me. I wear sunscreen every day, a vitamin C serum in the morning, and retinol at night. And then moisturizer goes on top of everything.

All these beauty treatments aren't exactly cheap…

True. To afford all of it, I cut back everywhere else I possibly can…

Is there anything else you'd like to try?

I'd love to get a Moxi laser treatment. A CO2 laser is almost too intense for me, and the healing takes so long. And I'd like to try a lactic acid treatment.

And where do you draw the line when it comes to self-optimization?

Honestly, I don't have any limits. Personally, I'd get any cosmetic surgery, but unfortunately my wallet doesn't agree. 

What do you want to show your kids about beauty standards?

I want my kids to know they can do or not do whatever they find beautiful or not beautiful. So if one of them wants to dye their hair, they should go for it. If the next one wants to get their lips done, they should go for it. And if one of them says, “I want to stay just the way I am,” that's totally fine too. It's about being happy with yourself.

My mom was always unhappy, even if she never admitted it, and she blamed us kids for it. I, on the other hand, always find something to optimize, and I'm happy about that. I really do enjoy it. It's not a burden or anything. I like all the creams and treatments, and I like that I'm taking care of myself. But if someone uses nothing but Nivea for 40 years and is happy with it, why not?