Dear all, when the Ulmen-Fernandes bombshell dropped, many of us could hardly believe our eyes and ears. This is about sexual violence. About serious allegations of sexual violence. And in this case, it is said to have taken place within the home, in a familiar setting, initiated by the person whom the other loved and trusted.
The Fernandes case is one – as we can already surmise – that will occupy us for some time to come. The stakes are enormous. A successful, hyped celebrity, a great love affair with an equally successful presenter and actress; SHE even makes programmes about deepfake pornography circulating about her, about her search for the perpetrators, and in the end it turns out: apparently, it was her own husband. The father of their daughter.
I was sitting in the car waiting when the Reel played on Der Spiegel’s Instagram page, which was about the investigation into the case. I was about to set off for a bereavement support session. Katharina messaged me, ‘Oh, my God… ‚Check out Collien Ulmen-Fernandes’ profile straight away.‘
I think many of us will remember the moment we heard about this alleged crime*, which is simply inconceivable to a conventional mind. ‘Unbelievable’ was the word we read most frequently in the first five hours after publication. We shared the Spiegel investigation in our Instagram Stories too; the reactions were characterised above all by disbelief.
One reader even wrote to us saying she had seen the man now facing all these allegations with his daughter at an amusement park a few years ago. That makes it feel even closer to home. And even more unbelievable. When you hear that he not only produced deepfake pornography of his wife, but is also alleged to have beaten her and opened fake accounts through which he flirted with men in her name, and later sent out very realistic-looking pornographic images of her.
I myself once had the opportunity to interview Collien as a journalist; even then we spoke about deepfakes of her circulating online, though at that point she herself was still in the dark as to who the perpetrator or perpetrators might be. A woman I quickly struck up a conversation with, one who said she likes to drink beer and who writes children’s books on equality between boys and girls. (By the way, how about buying the book in bulk right now? As a show of solidarity and support for her courage in going public with this?)
I’m currently reading „A Hymn to Life: Shame Must Change Sides“ by Gisèle Pelicot, whose husband drugged her at night for decades and „offered“ her to strangers for rape. I’ve also read her daughter’s book. I have been following the revelations surrounding the Epstein Files and I wonder how we are not supposed to feel dizzy from all the stunned head-shaking.
Making sexualised violence public
Collien herself says it was like receiving news of a death when her ex-husband confessed to her on Christmas Day 2024 that he was behind the fake accounts. She reacted as if in shock. And now she is emerging from her state of powerlessness and stepping into a position of agency. She has reported him to the police and is taking the matter to the public. And the public? They are responding with thousands of moving expressions of solidarity.
And that, my dears, is something we can hopefully take away from this horrific story. That the shame must shift sides. That we speak out against sexual violence, against deepfakes and internet crime. That those affected do not have to face this alone, that they can find the courage to speak out when they are wronged. It takes so much courage, but a soft web of support must then be woven around them!
I simply wish Collien, her daughter and everyone directly or indirectly affected by sexual and domestic violence a huge hammock of genuine human support. And the full justice available under the law, alongside proper processing of the trauma, so they can regain their trust. All the strength in the world to you!
And to everyone else: keep your eyes and ears open and help when help is needed. Together, we must all look at how we can ensure that no woman in the world has to go through this again in future. We need prevention programmes, therapy places, and awareness. Structures must be broken down and issues must no longer be swept under the carpet. We need greater online safety, more funding for enforcement and… so much more. I’m happy to open the discussion here: what do you think is most important?
*the presumption of innocence applies until conviction, though the evidence looks overwhelming
