Big Kids, Big Worries? Lately I'm Feeling Big Joys

Friends, have you ever heard the saying “Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems”? Of course you have. And I find it so negative, because what does it say we're all heading toward? Even more worries? When do they stop growing, anyway? Will I worry even MORE about my 50-year-old son than I do about my 18-year-old?

I have to say, right now I love my three kids being big even more than usual, because our guest kid is showing me how much organizing it takes when kids can't get around on their own yet: when they have to be picked up and dropped off, when your own schedule has to be built entirely around theirs.

Big kids, fewer car trips

Man, the number of rides I used to drive out here in the country with the kids, and it's craaazy how different it is now. Guys, when there's no guest kid here, I can run my days completely on my own terms again. Depending on my mood and my workload, I can go see my horse in the middle of the day and work afterward, I can make evening plans without lining up a babysitter, and even though two of my three still live under the same roof, they organize themselves and their own activities.

And you know how nice it is that they just tell us when they need something, or when something's bothering them, or when they're excited about something? We spent so much time guessing when they were little: whether something was missing, whether they were okay. We do the same thing with the guest kid, because of course you don't just tell near-strangers, in a language that isn't your own: “Hey, something's bothering me right now,” or “I don't like this food.”

So we're back to guessing, and of course that drains the battery too! So does all the thinking about activities. What do we still want to show the guest kid? What could we offer on the weekend? All of that was true with our own kids back then, too, but it's completely gone now. Our oldest is spending her semester break backpacking around the world, and the twins are out of the house every single evening, off to practice, off to friends, living their lives out there. How great is that, honestly?

Big kids, different worries

And still, of course there's something to the idea of bigger worries with bigger kids. If they're out at night, something can happen at night. When they suddenly have their own debit cards, they can get hooked on sports betting and gamble away their money (apparently a big thing with teens right now, so ask your kids whether anyone in their friend group is involved). When they suddenly travel on their own, they could end up stranded, like some acquaintances of ours right now in Dubai, Abu Dhabi, or Doha, because a war suddenly breaks out (heavens!). Yes, I guess that's what the saying means by bigger worries.

We're not talking about the sniffles you suck out of baby noses with a vacuum cleaner attachment. Sometimes it's life and death: when they ride a Vespa without a helmet after all, or someone doesn't quite have the car under control two weeks after getting a driver's license, or gets alcohol poisoning. Or when a letter about compulsory military service arrives and they're supposed to report for screening with the Bundeswehr, the German armed forces.

A youth behind closed doors would be better? No way!

But you know what? How awful would a youth behind closed doors be? Isn't it wonderful that they go out and discover the world? And yes, of course we worry that someone might knock them over or that they might be careless, especially at an age when they feel invincible. But then seeing them again and hearing them tell us about what they've experienced, getting photos from trips that are more adventure than relaxation, it's almost like living it yourself.

The joy of watching them have so many experiences is so big that it gets to carry us through the worries. “Big kids, big joys” can be our motto. If we put our focus there, we can probably get through the next sleepless night a whole lot better 😉 Or how do you handle it?