Dear all, have you ever heard the saying, ‘Small children, small worries; big children, big worries’? I’m sure you have. And I find that saying so negative, because what are we all heading towards then? Even more worries? How long will they keep growing? Will I worry EVEN more about my 50-year-old son later on than I do about my 18-year-old?
I have to say, right now I love having three children of our own even more than usual, because having a child staying with us really brings home to me just how much organisation is involved when the children aren’t yet mobile enough to get about on their own, when they need to be picked up and dropped off, and when your own schedule has to revolve entirely around theirs.
Older children, fewer trips
Blimey, I used to go on so many trips with the kids out here in the countryside – and it’s craaazy how things aren’t like that anymore. Guys, when there aren’t any guest children here, I can organise my days completely as I please again; I can pop over to the horse during the day depending on how I feel and how much work I have, and then carry on working afterwards; I can go to evening events without having to worry about a babysitter; and although two out of the three still live under the same roof, they organise themselves and their leisure activities all by themselves.
And do you know how lovely it is that they simply say when they need something, or when something’s bothering them, or when they’re happy about something? We used to wonder so much when they were little – whether they were missing something, whether they were doing alright. And it’s the same with the guest child; we find ourselves asking that again and again, because naturally, with strangers and in a foreign language, you don’t just say: ‘Hey, I’m feeling down about xy’ or ‘I don’t like this or that food’.
So you end up puzzling over it again, and of course that drains your energy too! And all that worrying about activities. What else would we like to show the guest child? What could we offer them at the weekend? It used to be the same with our own children, but that’s all gone now – our eldest is currently backpacking around the world during her semester break, and the twins are simply out every evening, off to training or to see friends, living their lives out there. How lovely is that, please?
Big kids, different worries
And yet, of course, there is some truth in the idea that older children cause greater concern. If they’re out at night, things can happen. If they suddenly have their own bank cards, they could become addicted to sports betting and gamble away their money (apparently a big issue among young people at the moment – have a word with your kids to see if anyone in their circle of friends is involved), and if they suddenly start travelling alone, they could, in the worst case, end up stranded in places like Dubai, Abu Dhabi or Doha because suddenly a war breaks out (goodness me!), yes, that’s probably what’s meant by the bigger worries.
This isn’t about a cold that you can suck out of a baby’s nose with a vacuum cleaner attachment, but in some cases it’s a matter of life and death – if they do end up riding a Vespa without a helmet, or if someone hasn’t quite got the hang of driving after two weeks with a licence, or if they suffer from alcohol poisoning. Or if they receive a letter about compulsory military service and are called up for a Bundeswehr medical examination.
Better to spend their youth behind closed doors? No way!
But you know what? How awful would a youth spent behind closed doors be? Isn’t it great that they’re going out and discovering the world? And yes, of course we worry that someone might knock them over or that they might be careless – especially now at an age when they feel invincible – but then to see them again and hear them tell us about their experiences, to receive photos from around the world of journeys that are more adventure than relaxation, well, that’s almost as if you were experiencing it yourself.
The joy of seeing them have so many experiences is so great that it helps us get through the worries. ‘Big kids, big joys’ could be our motto. If we focus on that, we’ll probably get through the next sleepless night much better 😉 Or how do you handle it?
