When Mom Suddenly Can't Do It All: My Herniated Disc and My Teens

Hi, loves, and first of all, thank you for all your messages on Instagram about my herniated disc. If you don't follow us on Insta, here's the short version: at the beginning of August, I made one really dumb move and knew instantly that something had gone badly wrong. The pain was the kind where you literally see stars, and the kids who were standing nearby noticed right away: Mom is really not okay.

For four weeks, I treated myself without an actual diagnosis: osteopathy, stretching, heat, movement, painkillers. Shockwave therapy, chiropractic care. Nothing made a real difference. At some point Google and AI told me pretty clearly what I had and that I should get an MRI (the picture above is a selfie from the elevator on the way to the MRI).

The result: a herniated disc at L5/S1, which means a disc pressing on a nerve, and that explained the awful pain shooting down my leg.

When I shared that on Insta, I was so surprised by how many of you have been through this or are dealing with it right now, and how many of you have been living with this pain for months or even years. I now have a much better idea of how much strength it takes to keep family life going when you're in constant pain…

When Mom is always the one who's fine

I don't know how it is for you, but my kids have really only ever known me as fit and healthy. Sure, I get a killer headache or a stomachache now and then, and they've seen me cry, but there were never things I just couldn't do anymore. Until now.

And suddenly your teenager has to carry every laundry basket and every bag of groceries, and your son has to put your socks on for you because the pain won't let you do it yourself. Your daughter runs to the drugstore for heat patches because they take the edge off a little. Your older kids say, “Put your feet up, I'll set the table,” because they can see that everything is just too much right now.

And somehow this stretch brings us together in a new way. With little kids, we parents have to be invincible, one way or another. We're their safety, their anchor, their net. But older kids can step in. They can see that Mom or Dad can hit a wall too, that we need help, that we're vulnerable. And then we get to accept help from them.

All I can say is how glad I am right now not to have a baby anymore, but (somewhat) older kids. It's so lovely to see that they feel for me and pitch in. Partly because I ask them to, sure, but also because they want to help.

What about you? Have you had moments or stretches when you were really vulnerable? When you couldn't “function”? And how did your kids handle it?