Dear ones, with our children it really is always such a wavy movement between approaching and moving away, isn’t it? When they are born, we interpret so much into them. A tantrum: Oh wow, it has the strong will of Uncle Harry. A smile and it’s Grandma’s humour, stomping on the floor three times and it has the strong will of Mum. A cuddle, awake, just as cuddly as daddy…
Some of this will turn out to be true – and some will be complete bullshit. At some point, we will come to realise this: Some character traits our children simply bring with them themselves. Our children then learn to speak, can name pains and joys and we become very close to them. We know which situations could become difficult, we can read them, we are with them or close to them virtually around the clock.
We get used to certain things and marvel at developments. Then they hit puberty and distance us a little again (not „themselves“, but „us“, exactly). Some things are only shared with friends or siblings. For many adolescents, words become less frequent at times. What was it like at school? Jo. What are your plans for today? Brrruh. What shall we cook today? Simple food.
Sometimes we stand in front of her locked bedroom door and think: Hm. Who are you right now? Where are you? Are you all right? What’s on your mind? What do you need? What could do you good? Will it stay like this forever? And our thought cinema starts again. A bit like when we were babies. We go back to the interpretation.
And when they get up from their long period of lying down (cheese also has to lie down for a long time to mature) and are suddenly outside and in front of the door more than at home, you secretly think to yourself: Oh dear, what were I really worried about before the locked room door, at least they were still under our control then. Now we simply can’t protect them out there any more.
A new phase begins again. One in which we have to trust them again and in which sometimes just hoping helps. Hopefully they don’t end up in some stupid fight. Hopefully someone doesn’t break their heart. Hopefully no one rips them off and hopefully they take their eyes off their mobile phones when they pass a level crossing. Out of my control.
And here, too, when we feel dizzy or have a stomach ache, we’re bound to ask ourselves whether it’s perhaps a hangover or whether we’ve eaten too much fatty food with zero vitamins, or whether it’s something physical, mental, drug-related or vapid. Of course, we also sometimes operate in a black box – in these phases of life.
Of approaching and removing and no longer knowing everything
Despite this, I realise that many people come closer as they mature, when new phases of life are on the horizon, perhaps when training starts or the initial furnishings for their first home become necessary. That’s when many dock on again and get a bit of parental and domestic security, that’s when a new eye level starts.
Of course, they’re unlikely to tell us about their last binge, but at least we’ll get a good impression of whether they’re generally happy with and in their lives. And then maybe, like me last weekend, you’ll go to a carnival event together with lots of dancing.
And then you see how your child gets into the music, how euphorically they dance along, how they move through the world so independently with an open look and this „life is still ahead of me“ attitude and you think: Hey, wow, they’ve obviously gained some real life experience over the last few years without you, out there on the doorstep.
And then you hear it being addressed with a „Hey, who are you here with tonight?“ And it replies „With my mum.“ And „Oh“, you hear „If THAT’S your mum, I’ll eat a broom.“ And yes, but that’s her. „Rather shit with hitting on you now,“ says the other person as they turn round and leave you with a fit of laughter. This certainly wasn’t our last night of alaaf together…
(And noooo, we’re not friends. We’re mum and daughter. We continue to celebrate most parties of the year without each other, we’re each allowed to have our own lives. But there can be exceptions during the carnival season 😉)
