„I only want a third child if it’s a girl“- Interview with Susanne

Dear ones, the other day Conny wrote to us about how often she is pitied by outsiders because she has four sons and no daughter. A discussion ensued &#8211 most of you said that you didn’t care what gender a child was. But there were also other opinions – but we received them by email, because the women didn’t dare to talk about it in public. Wishing for a specific gender was frowned upon and considered ungrateful. Our reader Susanne already has two sons and dreams of having a daughter. She told us that she is thinking about having a genetic test to ensure that her next child will be a girl. We asked her about this: 

Dear Susanne, you already have two sons and you wrote to us that you would only have a third child if it was sure to be a girl. What would be so bad about a third boy?

There would be nothing wrong with a third boy, I would love him just as much as my two sons. And yet I still have a great longing for a daughter. It’s so strong that we sometimes think about a third child &#8211 even though we only ever wanted two. So if we decided to have a third child and it turned out to be a boy, I would have to give up the dream of having a daughter for good, because there will definitely not be four children.

Why would you like a girl so much? What do you think is different about a girl than a boy?

Of course, boys and girls are different in many ways – and I would just like to have the experience of both. If I already had two girls, I would be longing for a son. Some people understand that – but most don’t. Many then say that the girl might not be girly at all – and whether I would be able to cope with that. Of course, that would be totally ok for me – my daughter could be exactly the way she wants to be.

In Germany, it is forbidden to influence gender by means of artificial insemination. Nevertheless, this is possible abroad. What do you know about this?

As far as I know, it is illegal to choose your gender anywhere in the EU – except in Cyprus. Finding out the sex is actually quite easy. Laboratories that test fertilised eggs for genetic defects can also identify the sex.

As far as I know, it all works in the same way as artificial insemination. The woman takes medication to produce as many eggs as possible. These are then removed and fertilised with the man’s sperm. The doctors then observe for three days which embryos develop well, cells are removed from the best ones and analysed for genetic defects and gender. 1-4 eggs of the desired sex are then reinserted.

I know of six clinics in Cyprus that carry out gender selection via artificial insemination. The whole package (i.e. flight, accommodation, medication and procedure) costs around 10,000 euros. 

You mentioned that there is also an internet group that discusses this topic. What kind of women are they and what are their motivations?

Like me, these women long for a child of the opposite sex and for many it is the last chance to have a child.  Of course, you could just say goodbye to your dream – but if you can fulfil a dream, why wouldn’t you do it? No woman in this group has any religious or cultural reasons for not doing so.

Not much at the moment. He understands me and he knows I’m thinking about it and at least he hasn’t said no to the treatment yet. I want to keep reading up on it, hopefully read lots of success stories in the internet group and then make a decision in 1 to 2 years time.

Can you understand that it is forbidden in Germany or do you think it should be legal here too?

I would be in favour of "family balancing" being allowed. In other words, if you already have a boy, you can have a girl – and vice versa. You can already influence so much today, for example through all the genetic defect examinations – so gender selection is not far away.

One step further is the "designer baby" – meaning that parents could determine hair and eye colour. What do you think about this?

Whether you choose the gender or the hair or eye colour, those are two completely different things for me. Just because I have a longing for a daughter doesn’t mean I want to model her for myself.

Many parents say that they don’t care what sex their baby is as long as it’s healthy. Do you believe everyone or do many parents not dare to say that they do have a preference?