Dear readers, when your own child suffers from a mental illness, it is incredibly difficult for parents to cope with. Our reader’s 15-year-old daughter has developed anorexia. At some point, she stopped eating almost entirely, whilst developing a sort of exercise addiction, which led to her being admitted to hospital. In this interview, her mum talks about how the family coped during that time and how her daughter is doing now.
Dearest, your 15-year-old daughter is anorexic – what is the current situation?
My daughter has now been in hospital for seven weeks. It is a clinic specialising in eating disorders. She is making good progress there, which we could never have achieved at home.
What kind of progress is it that you would never have achieved at home?
The fact that she is now eating more and in a more structured way again. At the start of her stay at the clinic, she received nutritional support. She is talking much more and more openly again. She wants to be healthy again. I think that’s the most important thing.
Can you say roughly when it started for her, when her body became an issue?
It started quite innocently at the beginning of last year. She wanted to give up sweets, then it gradually went further and further. She then stopped taking food to school. She only ate three times a day and it was all calculated.
When did you think: Hmm, a bit of this is normal, but this is now taking on forms that aren’t healthy anymore?
I became concerned after she hadn’t had her period for quite some time. I arranged an appointment for her with the gynaecologist. There, she was prescribed the pill to bring her period back. But that didn’t feel right to me, and the paediatrician didn’t think it was right either.
How did you broach the subject with your daughter? Were you able to talk about it?
I spoke to her time and again and arranged appointments with the paediatrician and the psychologist. These appointments took place every two to three weeks. But none of this helped her; everything became more compulsive and, on top of that, she developed a strong urge to move.
When did she admit to herself that she needed help, how was she feeling at the time, what did she look like, and how much did she weigh?
That was at the start of the year, when she realised she couldn’t get herself out of it on her own. The voice in her head was getting louder and louder. She was feeling increasingly worse, and on top of that there was the urge to move, which bordered on a sports addiction.
She danced in a dance troupe and plays basketball; we couldn’t take that away from her until just before she went into hospital. During basketball training, however, she started to see black spots before her eyes – and yet, even then, she would have preferred to carry on. By the time she was admitted to hospital, she weighed just 43kg, was pale and seemed apathetic.
And: How did you cope, and how are you coping, with all of this? Were you ever worried for her survival?
I wasn’t and still am not doing well; my nervous system is often on edge and I worry a great deal. Yes, I was actually very afraid for her survival, and it’s so awful that it’s almost unbearable.
Back to the present: what is it like for you as a mother to be going through this now? Do you feel helpless? Or do you question yourself? Or do you have great people to talk to who can reassure you and confirm that there are many different contributing factors that can lead to anorexia?
It was a difficult time before she went into the clinic, because we couldn’t get through to her and couldn’t help her. The good thing was that she wanted to go to the clinic herself and admitted that she needed help. I think that’s the most important thing of all!
What will be the next steps for you now?
She will now stay in the clinic for another five weeks and hopefully stabilise further there. And when she comes home, she’ll continue with outpatient therapy here.
What would you wish for all families in a similar situation to yours?
I wish everyone lots of patience in supporting their loved ones and early help from therapists.
