Pregnancy/Birth

She wanted to, he didn’t: „I cheated my husband out of the second child“

November 10, 2025

Dear readers, our reader Anna really wanted a second child. But her husband didn’t. In the end, she decided to fulfil her wish – even without his consent. Can something like this work? Read for yourself.

Anna, you always wanted a second child, but your partner did not. Did you talk about it a lot?

Our daughter was then – and still is today – an absolute dream child. After the wounds of the first birth had healed, I thought about having a second child. That was about 1.5 years later.
My husband immediately blocked it at the time, saying that he didn’t want a second child and that our daughter should enjoy the same advantages that he himself had as an only child.

This really bothered me, as I have a younger brother and we really didn’t want for anything. We talked about it a lot, me more than him. He kept emphasising that he simply didn’t want a second child. He didn’t have any concrete reasons for this. It was simply clear to him that he didn’t want to. That’s it, over and out.

What has this imbalance of desires done to your relationship?

I don’t think our relationship was ever in danger. He knew from the start that I definitely wanted two children and always accepted this at the beginning and placated me with the words "Let’s see".
It wasn’t until some time after our daughter was born that he told me he didn’t want any more children… Of course we argued and discussed, I sulked because it was always an issue for me. But a separation or something similar was never on the cards until then. On the contrary! We even got married.

When I went back to work, I never thought about it again „out loud“. The issue was „settled“ for the time being. I then also had the IUD inserted. Of course, I still dreamed of having a second child every single night. The desire was simply there, even if I had locked it away behind thick doors for the time being. Our daughter also kept asking her dad why she wasn’t allowed to have a sibling. He said the same thing to her: "I just want you".

But now, eight years after the first child, you’ve had a second child… how did it come about?

An IUD also has to come out or be changed at some point. I informed my husband before my appointment with the gynaecologist that contraception would be his job for the next few months. But he completely ignored this. And so did I, of course…

I would have been pretty stupid to point this out to him…

The thought of foisting one on him was there, I admit it. But the plan wasn’t fully developed yet.

When my cousin gave birth to her son in the summer of 2016 (I waited in the foyer of the hospital all day), I was envious and my heart was broken. But at the same time, this little baby filled my heart so full that I thought I would burst. My daughter and I were in love. And my husband felt the same way! He became soft, but not yet as soft as I would have liked.

And then?

I told him out of the blue: „I want a child from you. Not from another man, from you. I want my children to have the same father. And I will have one from you, I know that. Will this separate us or bring us closer together? I’ll take anything, even the risk of losing you. My parents and your parents will help me…“.

Those were the words at just after midnight as we drove home from the hospital together. The look on his face back then is etched in my memory – astonished, anxious and angry.
I waited for my fertile days that month, didn’t tell him, and in September 2016 I held my positive pregnancy test in my hand. I believe (he won’t admit it!) that he knew exactly what I was doing. He’s not stupid.

So you planted a child with your husband?

Yes, I decided on my own and didn’t ask him. I honestly have to admit that I wouldn’t have given him the chance to say anything about it beforehand. I risked everything. But he knew that contraception was now his business – and ignored it.

What does your husband say about it?

Well, after he held the positive test in his hand, he asked me how that „happened“. Then I told him about my „devil’s plan“. He calls it that. He laughed and was delighted. Really happy. Hugged me, kissed my tummy. I had a slight nervous breakdown beforehand – during testing – because I didn’t know how to show him the positive test. I knew what the worst-case scenario could have been. And that would have been divorce or total rejection, I guess.

That’s quite a loss of trust. Do you sometimes have a guilty conscience? Or do you think: Sometimes you just have to force people to be happy?

In those five minutes of waiting after the test, I felt guilty. I thought it was going to eat me up. But after everything was fine, it didn’t. Not at all, not until today. In my opinion, I had to force him to be happy, yes.

What’s the situation now? Does your husband ever say things like: See! That’s what I meant, I just didn’t want to make that effort?

We will soon be celebrating our son’s first birthday. We love him to pieces. I feel like I’ve arrived and my husband said „thank you“ at the birth. I know how he meant it. That was all I needed. I know that he has arrived too. And that it was right. He’s never said a mean word, on the contrary, he’s a very understanding father.

Our son is very active and strong. For example, he has been able to walk since he was 9.5 months old. My husband only says now and again (when he is clearing the towels from the cupboard, for example): „You said he’s going to be good!“ But of course that’s not meant seriously, it’s rather funny. I always refer to my children as „wish kids 3000“… He always laughs and says: „You’re right anyway“!

Would you do it again?

With my husband over and over again. He is my absolute dream husband and father. He also used to say before: „Do you really think I wouldn’t love my child? He is my flesh and blood… I knew what I was doing.

Is your family planning finalised now?

Yes, family planning has been finalised. He underwent a vasectomy in the spring (the vas deferens are severed) – with the follow-up: „You can undo that anyway“.
Trust is good, control is better. Hihi… His doctor had fits of laughter when he told him „our story“.

Read more: "My wife wants a second child, but I don’t." A father tells…

Photo source: pixabay

Lisa Harmann

Lisa Harmann has always been curious about everything. She works as a journalist, author, and blogger, is a mother of three, and lives in the Bergisch region near Cologne, Germany.