Dear ones, the article Freedom tastes different at 45 than at 25 was discussed quite well by you, and also inspired some to disagree, which shows that somehow a nerve was struck. Nina MĂ¼ller-Peltzer, psychological coach from Berlin, takes us on a journey to rediscover our own identity, back to the self. Let’s see if you find yourself here too.
It often starts quietly. The house is unusually quiet in the afternoon, the dining table remains empty for longer, the laundry baskets are half full. This moment used to be priceless: peace and quiet at last! Today it sometimes feels… strange. Not sad, more like a break that has gone on too long. And somewhere between the morning shopping and the afternoon coffee, the question arises:Â Where have I actually got to?
The time afterwards doesn’t have to be a hole, it wants to be filled
After years of constant caregiving, many parents experience a kind of „identity echo“. The roles they have played for years – manager, mother/father, partner, carer – become quieter. What remains is the person behind them, and this is often difficult to grasp because they have long functioned instead of feeling.
Psychologically speaking, this phase marks the transition from externalisation to self-definition. So this is not a loss, but a new beginning. It is the moment when you are no longer allowed to manage your life from the outside, but to shape it from within.</p
Back to the self
The first steps towards self-definition often feel unfamiliar. With all this newfound freedom and time, you may initially feel paralysed on the couch. But if you trust this, you will soon be able to receive a whole flood of ideas. Old passions, long-delayed needs and unrealised goals will come back to you. Guaranteed.
Acting again at last or going out with your girlfriends, doing more sport again or getting out into nature, simply going shopping or writing that book you’ve had in your head for so long… things that have been buried are coming back and new things are emerging.
It may take a moment before you can fully embrace your newfound freedom. Especially at the beginning, you may be startled from time to time and wonder whether you’ve forgotten something or someone. But you’ll soon get used to your new freedom and enjoy not having to pick anyone up from music school or drive them to the sports club.
Your life becomes fuller, not emptier
Photo: pixabay
The best thing about it is that you now have a foundation of experience and knowledge to fall back on. Unlike when you were in your mid-20s, you now know exactly what you want and what you no longer need in your life. So you choose, almost automatically, exactly what fulfils you.</p
And if you’re wondering how to get started: These little coaching impulses are like signposts. They can help you to look inwards again and take the first step intuitively. Not because you have to, but because you want to.
Mini coaching:Â „It’s my turn again“
- The ego check
Write down three moments in the last few weeks when you really felt like you – not productive, not needed, but simply you. What makes you you, what defines you? - Whispering desires:
Finish the sentence:Â I want more…Â and notice what is really calling you. What is waiting for you, what wants you to hear it. Try to finish the sentence as honestly as possible and don’t be afraid of your innermost desires and needs, they will guide you into a new, self-determined phase of your life. - Mini experiment:
Over the next few days, do something you used to love – just for yourself. Don’t celebrate it as a „time out“, but as a „return“, like a class reunion with your past self.
What you learn:Â Your old self is not lost. It’s just been patiently waiting for you.
How are you doing now? Tell us in the comments how the exercises have helped you, whether you need more or what you need instead. What issues are bothering you, share them with us and we will address them in the next coaching impulses.
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