You sweet little boy, you’re not that little any more. Nine years old sounds like a lot. Your sister packed her own suitcase for the holidays at that age (and didn’t forget anything). You’re completely different. Our youngest. A little dreamer.
Sometimes we’d like to crawl inside your head to see what your world looks like from there. You can crawl into comics and draw mindlessly. It’s wonderful and you seem so content then. You can immerse yourself in Playmobil for hours. But unfortunately there’s also everyday life. And your world and this world don’t fit together at all.
You don’t like pressure – especially time pressure – at all. Time plays a different role for you than it does for others. Come on, we have to leave for school in two minutes! Chop, chop. And you? Open some glue and try to make something else.
When you come home from school, you throw your jacket on the floor. Even if you usually come in from outside – always. I’ve been preaching to you for five years: please hang your jacket on the children’s wardrobe. That doesn’t get through to you. It’s just not important to you. Sometimes I feel like I’m knocking on a pane of frosted glass. It just doesn’t get through to you.
This morning I asked where your glasses were. „I don’t know“. But you must know where you put them last, right? We looked together – and didn’t find them. You get angry then. You’re overwhelmed.
Then you shout: "One shoe missing". You can’t go to school with one shoe. The other one is gone, gone, gone. Maaaamaaaa! Where is the shoe? I reply that I don t have your second shoe. You get angry because: We must have hidden it. You just can’t manage to keep your things together. Sometimes you’d even go off without your school bag if I didn’t ask you if you’d forgotten something by accident…
Every evening we discuss the fact that you need to brush your teeth. Just get ready for bed by yourself? You don’t. You go into your room, lie down on the bed and wait until we say: Now take off your trousers, now brush your teeth. Why is that?
Your sister does it all by herself, so it can’t be down to parenting alone. What help do you need so that you can cope better? In the long run, it’s so exhausting for us to say the same thing over and over again.
Nothing just happens – and that drains so much energy. And yes, we often clash as a result. Can’t you just do that now? Get dressed in the morning so that we get to school on time? Why do you find it so difficult to take responsibility for yourself?
You even find it too much effort to get new socks from the nursery… Sometimes I think the world is just too fast-paced and busy for you. Sometimes I also think you would have preferred to be an only child, have your peace and quiet and be able to lose yourself in your fantasy worlds. And time without stress or pressure, just being, in complete harmony.
I wasn’t like that, your sister isn’t like that, that’s why it’s so hard for me to understand you. And I want to understand you so much because you’re a great guy. Smart, sensitive, a faithful and loyal friend to your mates. You love being a child, you play so much, you could go crazy with excitement over a flashing police car or a moving model railway. Maybe you just don’t fancy this adult world?
School just bothers you, „it’s their own fault if they let lessons start so early, then I’m just tired“. You say sentences like that.
You could always just stay at home, I think. In your pyjamas. Without stress. With radio plays, comics and pens. But unfortunately, that doesn’t fit in with our everyday lives or with compulsory schooling in Germany.
If there was a sabbatical like at work – I think I’d take it for school. Just let you play for another year until you get bored. And then maybe you could come back with new energy and a bit more personal responsibility. But that’s wishful thinking. Instead, it’s all taking up so much of your energy. Are we expecting too much from you?
