Dear ones, when we recently shared a text from Barbara in which an author asked for forgiveness for her arrogance with her first child because she realised with her second child that it wasn’t so much down to her that everything worked out so well with the first child, but that it was mainly a matter of character… Jenny also got in touch with us, who felt the same way. Her daughter Hannah is now 13 and her son Johnny is 8, so a bit older. In this interview, she takes us back to her first years as a mum.
Dear Jenny, you had your first child and thought to yourself: Wow, I’ve totally got it?
I wouldn’t describe it like that. But my daughter Hannah was born and was an easy baby straight away. The birth was relaxed and lovely and Hannah was calm and sweet from the very first moment, cried relatively little, slept a lot and always drank well. As soon as we came back from hospital, I had an incredible amount of time, precisely because she was constantly sleeping.
I had time to read, do sports and when we attended a PEKiP course at some point, I was always well groomed. Other mums there, on the other hand, always seemed so stressed, hectic and sleep-deprived. I felt sorry for them when they told me about their sleepless nights. But secretly, I sometimes thought: maybe they have such restless children because they are so restless themselves.
Someone once said to me: Relaxed mums – relaxed children. And I always thought: that’s exactly how it is!
Did you also have know-it-all thoughts? Did that confirm you in your own role as a mother?
I was never a know-it-all, nor did I think I was a super mum. But I always thought that was the secret. I believed that other mums might worry too much, talk too much about advice books, paediatricians and prescriptions – and that it was precisely my attitude of not taking all this so seriously that made Hannah such a relaxed baby.
How do you think back to this time today?
I think back to that time very fondly, because it was simply a very, very nice time. But I realise today that it was mainly down to Hannah – and not me…
Because you then had a second child who taught you a better thing? With whom you suddenly realised: Ui, maybe this is all more a matter of character than the art of parenting?
When I was pregnant with Johnny, I realised that something was different. He was already moving around a lot in my belly and was restless. When I held him in my arms for the first time, I was enchanted on the one hand because I thought he was so cute. But his very first look made me realise: Wow, this is a completely different calibre. And it’s stayed that way to this day.
Johnny was awake a lot right from the start and needed lots of exercise and attention. And suddenly I was one of the mums with greasy hair and dark circles under my eyes at PEKiP. I realised: I have absolutely no influence on what kind of baby I have.How would you apologise to the people you felt superior to in the first year with your first child?I’ve done it several times to the women I’m still friends with today. They all know that Johnny proved me wrong and to this day we have a good laugh about it.
How would you describe the characters of your two children?
The two of them are like yin and yang. Hannah is still rather reserved to this day, but is very good with herself, she draws and reads a lot, does well at school and is very ambitious. Johnny is the opposite in everything. Wherever he is, there is always a horde of children around him. He is sporty and funny and if there is a children’s birthday party somewhere, Johnny is invited. Unfortunately, school doesn’t interest him at all.
Even though your second child is so demanding: You would still give everything for it, wouldn’t you?
Of course. I love Johnny more than anything. But I always find it amazing how the same amount of love can feel so different for two children. Precisely because the children are so different.
You probably wouldn’t want to write only parenting guides today, right?
I haven’t even read any, why would I write any?! 😉 But seriously: my experience is that upbringing only accounts for a fraction of what children later become as people. They bring most of the tools and character into the world with them.
Isn’t it funny to realise that you simply have to have experienced a lot of things yourself first to be able to empathise with others better?
In any case!
What would you like to give other mums on the way?
After two children who grew up with the same parents, in the same environment and became completely different people, I really believe that the influence of our upbringing on our children is very limited. But that also means that we can all relax a bit more. Because if the influence of our upbringing is limited, we don’t have to constantly blame ourselves if they don’t turn out quite like us, or grandma, or how the class teacher would have liked them to.
