Dear ones, well, we’re already so far advanced in age here that we’re already talking about topics such as becoming a grandparent 😉 Journalist and author Kester Schlenz is a bit ahead of us and gives us a nice insight into what we can possibly expect in the next few years with older children… that they will become parents themselves and turn us into grandparents. With his book Mensch, Opa! he encourages all those who have stayed young but whose children are now having children themselves. What was it like for him when the time came?
Dear Kester, 30 years ago you wrote a book about becoming a dad, now you’ve written one about becoming a grandad. What are the differences?
I’m a lot more rumpled today. The guy who looks at me in the mirror in the morning takes some getting used to, to say the least. I now need a wheelbarrow for my bags under my eyes.
I mean in book writing, of course… How differently does the grandad brain work to the dad brain when conceptualising and writing?The grandad brain looks back more nostalgically and is happy that it can experience life with children again. The dad brain pondered even more back then. Thoughts like „Can I manage this? Am I mature enough to become a father?“ Only to rejoice all the more when it worked out and I became an enthusiastic dad.
Someone said to me the other day at a 50th birthday party: Oh, this age is so marvellous, you don’t have to achieve anything anymore and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
Well, yes. When I was fifty, I was still working as head of department at the Stern. Leaning back and taking it easy wasn’t the order of the day then. That’s only happening now in my mid/late sixties.
How does it feel for you to call yourself a „grandad“? We immediately have images in our heads.
I had those in my head too. I had to get used to the term ‚grandad‘ for myself. When I used to hear the word, I always immediately thought of old geezers with crutches, rabbit breeders, bursting hip joints, crossword puzzle heavy users or one-armed, old geezers who would be gallivanting around at family parties. But now I think it’s okay. What’s with the tense search for alternatives? I’m a grandad, and that’s a good thing.
How much did you recognise yourself in your fathering son on the way to the birth?
He was just as excited as I was. And just as excited when the first child arrived. Marvellous!
Where were you when you found out the baby had arrived?
At home with my wife. It was already quite late. We knew that our daughter-in-law was in hospital and were waiting for the redemptive phone call. Thank God it came at some point. Boy, were we relieved!
How was it getting to know little Jonna?
Great. At first I found her so fragile and was still very cautious, hardly daring to pick her up. But that changed quickly. Today she says: „Grandad come and romp!“
Where are the centres of conflict? Do you sometimes have to bite your tongue to avoid coming across as too lifelike?
The young parents are already managing this quite well. Opalescent advice is rarely given. And when we do, it’s subtle. Our motto is: just don’t get carried away.
Do the new generation of parents make „too much of a fuss“ about becoming a family?
Nope. It’s also a huge task. I was also very committed and often overprotective.
Can you do more wrong with a child today than back then?
I don’t think so. However, you can drive yourself crazy if you watch too many videos on social media. There’s a lot of nonsense and dubious things being said. You should never be too quick to say goodbye to your inner voice. I think you can often feel what’s right quite well.
What do you envy today’s generation of parents for and what don’t you envy them for?
I don’t envy today’s parents because of the huge range of baby products on offer. Nobody can keep up anymore. For example, there are spring cradles with motors that do the rocking. Rotating cots. Nappy pails with built-in odour protection. Baby carriers with sun protection, straps and mobile phone pockets. Pushchairs that can move back and forth by remote control.
Not to mention countless toys to promote cognitive development. It’s a shame they didn’t exist when I was a child. If they had, it might not have taken me fifteen years to complete my A-levels.
How would you describe the relationship between you and your granddaughter?
Love indeed!
When I consider that my granddaughter is also turning 20, I’m actually closer to becoming a grandma than I was to my own last birth 17 years ago (no pressure, but it’s in the biologically possible range). So what advice would you like to give to other grandparents-to-be?
Be happy! Get involved! Give time and commitment! What comes back from the grandchild is incredibly beautiful and meaningful. And it helps you not to be too upset about getting older. Grandchildren keep you young and are also an incredibly fun entertainment programme.
We laugh about and with Jonna every time we visit. Especially when she makes me „healthy“ with her doctor’s case. Then she taps me on the head with a plastic hammer and shouts „Everything’s fine again!“ I love going to Dr Jonna’s consultation. She can also take my blood pressure. However, when the display on her paediatric monitor goes round and round, I always get a bit anxious. 400 to 150 seems a third too high to me. But then she puts a plaster on my eye.
