Dear ones, on Sunday there was a small get-together in our garden for the people who told us their stories for the new book „And suddenly nothing is as it was„. Albi Roebke, who has been working in emergency counselling for 25 years and with whom I did my training, said in his words of welcome and thanks that they all belong to his „invisible community“.
Because an emergency counselling mission actually ends on the first or second day. However, there are people who Albi accompanies for longer as a Protestant pastor. Perhaps because there is still a trial to attend that the bereaved don’t want to go to alone. Or because their mum has died and their dad has been arrested and they simply need to talk about how to deal with the fact that they are the daughter of a murderer and a murdered woman at the same time, to put it in true crime terms.
The same daughter was also there and brought me a card that read, among other things: „You live pastoral care with great dedication: with an open ear, a compassionate heart and the strength to give words to the unspeakable. (…) Your gaze always remains with the person. (…) Thank you for your important work“.
Emergency pastoral care takes care of the survivors
I’m telling you this because many people ask me how I deal with so many fates. And then I like to say: I don’t deal with death at all, I’m with the survivors and see what ways there might be to get through it. And there is also so much gratitude. These words I’m talking about up there flow like warm honey into me and through me.
In the last few months, I have been able to gain insights into some of the most incredible life stories. The story of Kathleen, whose husband died suddenly of an infection when she was pregnant with their second child and who then visited Albi in labour with the newborn.
Into Chrissy’s, about whom I mentioned above that she suddenly found herself without parents and who is now a mum herself. Into that of Stephan and Anne, who lost their baby to sudden infant death syndrome and went on to have more children.
We tell of strokes of fate, but above all of hope. Because this book always resonates: We can and may survive even the worst disasters. And it is always, always good to have empathetic people around us who are there without judgement. Who withdraw when it gets too much. Who stick with us, even when things get difficult.
They are people like us. Like you and me. And listening to them helps us to better understand why we tick and react the way we do, even in minor crises. Why we break out in a sweat in a traffic jam on the way to a job interview. Why we constantly have to go to the toilet when we have stage fright (the body’s primal instinct is to flee, so we have to get rid of all the ballast so we can run faster).
My 19-year-old daughter is one of the first to read it in its entirety (term break!) and she told me earlier this week that the book was very different to what she had imagined. With so many boxes in which we can learn – for ourselves or for accompanying people who may be going through a difficult phase.
In it, I also tell our own family story with some premature losses, especially that of my mum, who was present at the celebration in our garden on Sunday and was simply inspired afterwards because this community of people was able to connect so well with each other, because it wasn’t about superficialities, but really about essential things. And about what kept them alive, even though they thought at times that they wouldn’t be able to get through it.
My new book is being published today and I’m particularly pleased about it because a few decades ago, psychologists used to say that it was better not to talk about terrible experiences because it would only open up old wounds. Fortunately, we have moved on today. Fortunately, we are now allowed to talk about mental stress and share our experiences. Fortunately, nothing that burdens us has to be swept under the carpet anymore.
I hope that you will experience as many „aha“ moments with this book as I did during my training as an emergency counsellor and while writing the texts. Happy Bookbirthday! I look forward to your feedback when you have read it yourself.
