Wars, the climate crisis, social tensions: for many of us, the world seems more uncertain than ever right now. My name is Vero, I’m a mother of three and a journalist, and as I’ve been following the news over the last few months, I’ve found myself asking this question more and more often: How can I provide stability for our children when I myself sometimes feel unsteady? In my book “Childhood at a Turning Point” I have explored this question. I have gathered anchors for parents and crisis buoys for children: small, practical ways to strengthen, connect and provide guidance.
Because even though we are often told otherwise: children do not need to be “toughened up” to cope in this world. On the contrary. Resilience research shows that children become internally strong above all when they grow up in reliable relationships (see also under „Securely attached„). When they experience that their feelings are taken seriously. That they are allowed to have a say. That they can feel secure even in uncertain times.
Relationship-oriented, peaceful parenting is therefore not an idealistic luxury. It is an investment in the future. In children who are empathetic, who take responsibility and who can actively help shape the world. Peaceful, relationship-oriented parenting is a political stance. It means giving children the space to think for themselves, to question, to get involved. It means teaching responsibility not through fear, but through trust. A democratic society needs people who are empathetic, who can connect with others, who can resolve conflicts without causing destruction. All of this begins in the relationships that children build with their caregivers.
Childhood at a tipping point: what does this mean in practical terms in everyday life?
Often, it is not the big ideas, but the small, shared experiences that give children a sense of self-efficacy. Here are five ‘crisis buoys’ that you can integrate into your everyday life:
1. Being able to do things for themselves
Children experience a sense of strength when they can do things for themselves: cooking a soup from available ingredients, repairing a bicycle or pitching a tent. This gives children a sense of agency; they are trusted to do things. They can make a difference.
2. Experiencing nature
Nature is a powerful counterbalance to an often overwhelming world: identifying wild herbs, walking barefoot, collecting sounds in the forest or building a shelter. We humans need a connection to nature; it grounds and strengthens us.
3. Strengthening emotional skills
Knowing what is good for you, being able to ask for help or comforting someone: how can we provide emotional first aid? Children learn what is good for them and experience that they can help.
4. Experiencing connection
Building something together, sharing stories of courage or keeping a gratitude jar: moments like these strengthen a sense of togetherness and show children: I am not alone.
5. Building safety knowledge
Knowing how to get help or what to do in an unfamiliar situation provides reassurance: for example, knowing the emergency number, simple first aid, or thinking together: What do we do if the power goes out?
These ‘crisis buoys’ won’t solve global problems. But they give children something crucial: the feeling that they can take action. And they strengthen what holds you together as a family. Which ‘crisis buoys’ you choose to try out ultimately depends entirely on you: on what does you good, what brings you together, and what you want to discover together.
Focus on the ‘how’, not the ‘what’
When facing these shared crises, try to focus less on the outcome and more on your attitude towards your child. Make a conscious effort to ensure that your focus at that moment is on strengthening your relationship with your child. That doesn’t mean at all that things have to be particularly peaceful, happy and harmonious right then!
On the contrary: even during these shared experiences, there will be arguments, frustration or anger. And that is precisely where a great opportunity lies. When children experience that their feelings are allowed to be there – and that we accompany them through them rather than pushing them away – true strength emerges. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need adults who can cope with the fact that sometimes there are no quick solutions, and who stay by their side regardless.
Without realising it, you’re already preparing your children for the future
When we as parents allow and support emotions, and ask ourselves in the evening as we tuck them in: Am I doing enough? The answer is: Yes. Much more than you realise. And that’s true every time you stand by your child when they’re dealing with difficult emotions. Every time you support rather than control, when you feel rather than distract. Every time you take anger, fear and insecurity seriously. All of this strengthens their foundation for these turbulent times.
And perhaps that brings us back to the question from the beginning: How can we provide our children with stability when we ourselves sometimes feel unsteady? Perhaps not by having all the answers. But by building relationships and loving our children dearly. And if you like, with the help of those little crisis buoys that give us stability in everyday life and allow security and trust to grow.
Would you like to find out more?
This text is an adapted extract from my book “Childhood at a Tipping Point. How we can empower our children, shape the future and find stability in everyday life”. It is not just about dealing with crises, but also about how we can talk to children and young people about them, and what happens when parents have differing views on key issues.
It highlights the role of school, identifies ways to provide more stability in everyday family life and gives a voice to experts in education and climate issues. This creates a multi-faceted perspective on how we can actively shape our future together, even when time and energy are limited in our daily lives.
