Dear all, a few weeks ago we told you the story of Fabian and Alessandro whose daughter Sofia was born in Canada by a surrogate mother – we call her Laura here. The topic generated a lot of discussion, with most of the questions revolving around „Laura.“ How she feels about having had the child in her womb for nine months… and then having to give it up. So we thought: let’s just ask her ourselves! And she agreed to the interview.
Important background information: In contrast to Germany, surrogacy is permitted in Canada – but only altruistic surrogacy. This means that the surrogate mothers are not paid for carrying the baby, they do not make a profit. This is to ensure that the women really do it out of a desire to help people… and not out of financial need.
(Forgive us for a few sentences that may not sound entirely German, we conducted the interview in English and translated it ourselves.)
Dear „Laura,“ you live in Canada, have a son – and have helped a German couple to become a family through surrogacy. How did it come about that you registered with a surrogacy agency?
I found the surrogacy agency via Facebook. An ad kept popping up looking for surrogate mothers.
How did your own family react when you told them you wanted to become a surrogate mother?
My family and friends were all excited and very supportive when I told them.
Now in Canada you don’t get paid for carrying a baby for another family. So what was your motivation behind it?
My son was my motivation. Children are incredibly amazing. There is nothing better than the deep and intimate bond with your own child, nothing more beautiful than seeing your own child grow up. My son is my world and I could hardly imagine how people feel who wish for this but – for whatever reason – are not allowed to experience it. There are so many people who deserve this wonderful experience. And I also think it’s especially beautiful and important to show my son how great it can be to help other people in any way I can.
Pregnancy and childbirth are always associated with risks, didn’t you care?
My pregnancy and birth experiences had gone very well with my son and I knew that the doctors would look after and monitor my health thoroughly throughout the process, so I wasn’t worried.
In Germany, surrogacy is prohibited and is also viewed very critically. What is the status of surrogate mothers in Canada? Do they receive recognition from society?
Surrogacy is becoming more and more popular in Canada. When I started looking into the whole process a few years ago, I had never met or known anyone who was a surrogate mother. I now know many other surrogate mothers around here. There have been a few newspaper articles about some of the women to raise awareness of the need for surrogacy, but that’s basically the only recognition I’m aware of.
In Canada, the surrogate mothers choose the family they want to carry and deliver a child for. How did it come about that you chose Alessandro and his husband?
I chose them because I had the feeling that we just clicked straight away. They were so nice and funny and immediately felt like family. After we met, I didn’t even have to think about the decision.
How do you remember the first conversations? You then became pregnant with their little daughter, what was it like for you to take two fathers who were almost strangers to you to the examinations via Zoom, for example?
I remember being nervous before our first Skype conversation, but the excitement melted away pretty quickly. It was so easy to talk to them.
How did those around you react to your growing belly?
As my belly got bigger, people were very curious. In Canada, pregnancy is a total conversation opener, you just get asked about it and most people didn’t really know anything about surrogacy. I was open about it and so I was asked a lot of questions about the whole process.
How was the birth for you?
The birth is kind of a blur in my memory, it happened so fast! We barely made it to the hospital. We had joked that we would probably have to camp out in the hospital parking lot around my due date to make sure we got there in time. But I will never forget when Fabian and Alessandro saw their Sofia for the first time. It was an honor to witness that moment of pure joy.
Did you get weaning tablets to stop your milk coming out?
No, I had a normal milk let-down and provided as much breast milk as possible for Sofia in the first few weeks while she was still in Canada.
Four weeks after the birth, Sofia left for Germany with her fathers. How did you feel when you said goodbye?
My whole family and I were sad to say goodbye to them. They had become such a big part of our daily lives. It was hard to say goodbye at the airport, but it was also comforting and exciting to imagine them going home and introducing Sofia to their whole family. The next chapter in her life could begin.
Did you ever feel like you had given your body away or been exploited? Because that is the most common accusation here in Germany. Some even consider it human trafficking…
Not for a second. It was my decision to become a surrogate mother, and as I already had a child, I was aware at all times of what this decision would entail.
You still have a close relationship today, you Skype with Sofia and her two fathers every two weeks, what do these conversations mean to you, what is your relationship with Sofia?
Staying in touch with Fabian, Alessandro and Sofia is something very special for me. We were very lucky to have gained new family members through them. It seems that most surrogacy stories don’t go quite as smoothly as ours. We were really very lucky.
You had yourself removed from the surrogate register. Why? And would you never do it again?
Yes, I had my name removed from the surrogate register. I told Fabian and Alessandro that I would go down that road again with them if they wanted a sibling for Sofia, but I just couldn’t imagine – after the connection we had made – becoming a surrogate mother for anyone else.
How are you and your family today?
My family and I are doing well.
