Dear readers, in this article Ramona shared her experiences with online dating. We received a lot of feedback, including from Birgit. She wrote: „Thank you for the great report. But if I had had to write it, it wouldn’t have been so neutral and friendly.“ Of course, this made us curious, so we asked Alexandra for her perspective, which is now shared here:
Why I prefer to stay single…
The main reason I want to stay single is my desire for independence. I see many of my friends who are married where the men leave the care work for the children – and actually expect the woman to take over the care work for him, i.e. to look after him, cook for him and do his laundry. I take care of my son and no one else. Have you ever wondered why there are so many breakups around you? It’s simple: the men of our generation want to live like their fathers, but we don’t want to live like our mothers…
I also don’t want a new partner to interfere with how I raise my child. My child has a father (who remarried and became a father again). I also don’t want any stress from my new partner’s ex-family; I have enough worries and issues to deal with. I believe that many who say, „Blended families are great!“ are living an illusion. I was with my ex-husband for 25 years. But when the relationship was no longer good, I left. So I’m not going to rush into the next bad relationship just to have someone or to fulfil a social image. I have a house that I own – if there’s something that needs to be done that I can’t do, I pay a tradesman. I don’t need a man in the house permanently for that.
I’ve also been on dating sites just to see what’s going on. I feel that men are extremely disrespectful towards single parents. Their attitude is: they should be glad that anyone wants them at all. Men expect you to be humble and submissive, and I just can’t do that.
And you have to admit that there are some weirdos on the internet. Depending on the site, 80 per cent vote for the AfD or are anti-vaccination or anti-establishment in some other way. It also gets racy very quickly; many men are just looking for a quick fling.
I’ve also met men from time to time in recent years. One told me after three months that he had been married once and had two children. Two weeks later, he corrected that to two failed marriages and three children. He also smoked weed every evening and then hung out in front of the PlayStation. What am I supposed to do with someone like that? And do I want my son to see that? Of course not.
Then I met a man who claimed to be separated. After a short time, he went back to his ex, but asked if we could still meet regularly – um, no!
The next man said he wasn’t in a relationship. After a while, he confessed that he had been with a woman for a long time and had two children with her. The younger one was almost still a baby. He said he wanted to leave her, but I would never want a man who leaves his wife with a baby.
After these experiences, I took a break for three years. Then I met a new man and wanted to give him a chance. He went to work, came home around 8 p.m. and said he wanted a hot meal. He didn’t believe in housework and then he told my son that Africans were taking our jobs away. My son immediately objected, and I thought to myself: I don’t want someone in my life who talks such rubbish.
That may sound like I’m a man-hater, but I’m really not. If a really nice man who wants to live with me as an equal came along, I’d be happy. But I’m also fine on my own and I’m not willing to take just any guy because society thinks women should have a partner. I can take good care of myself and my son – we don’t need a provider, but I don’t need another child either. I want a partner who is on the same wavelength as me – and as I’ve realised over the last few years, that’s not easy to find…
