Dear ones, when we hear about an unfulfilled desire to have children, we usually think of women or men who are not yet parents but would like to be. But of course there are also cases where there is already a child, the parents want more children but it just doesn’t work out. Or where the parents have different ideas. That’s exactly what happened to Marion, who told us about it.
Dear Marion, you contacted us after the article „Unfulfilled desire to have children“ and wrote to us to say that you were also longing for a baby – but it wouldn’t be your first child, right?
Yes, that’s right. I already have a five-year-old child. I’m 39 years old, so I can slowly hear the biological clock ticking. The desire for a second child is very present in me right now.
Can you tell us a bit more about your family?
My husband and I have been together for over 17 years now, married for 6 years. We both work – I work part-time, my husband full-time. We live in the countryside, which we love. Our child is very bright and needs action, but he can also listen to stories for hours and make them up himself.
Since when have you felt the desire to have children again and what would your dream family look like?
I’ve always wanted two children. After the birth of my first child, I struggled with it for a long time, but in the last two years the desire has resurfaced. It has been very acute since the beginning of 2025.
How does your partner feel about wanting to have children again?
My husband was quite surprised when I told him about my wish. A second child wasn’t really on his radar. He then thought about it for a long time and really didn’t make it easy for himself – but in the end he said that he didn’t want a second child. He doesn’t want to start all over again and simply doesn’t have the confidence to have another baby.
Can he understand your wishes and what does it mean to you that you have such different wishes?
He can understand my motives very well. I think he’s also very sorry that he has to disappoint me, especially when he sees how sad I often am. Nevertheless, he remains clear about his decision.
I find it very upsetting that we have such different wishes and ideas. So far, we’ve always agreed on all the big decisions and in this case there’s no compromise – it’s just a case of for or against.
On the one hand, I’m very angry with him and disappointed that he’s denying me such a life wish. On the other hand, I also understand his motives and it’s right not to go into it naively when you have so many doubts yourself.
In general, I am often very sad, many situations really trigger me – for example, when I see other mums with toddlers and baby carriers or when I have to sort out clothes that are too small for our child…
Do you think you can give up your desire to have children?
At the moment, it feels like the pain of the unfulfilled wish and the desire for a second child will never completely go away. I think that at some point I will regret not having another child. However, as there are no alternatives for me and us, I will probably have to accept it.</p
Would you like your first child to have a sibling too?
I actually don’t know.
Do you feel that you can be less sad about the unfulfilled desire to have children than women who don’t have a child at all?
Yes, even if I don’t want to presume to compare the two. I can only roughly imagine what it must be like when the desire to have children is not fulfilled. I’m very grateful and happy that we have a healthy, happy child that we both love more than anything.
I would just like to see more understanding and visibility overall, including the fact that it is similarly sad and stressful when the desire for another child is not fulfilled, for whatever reason.
Often you hear sentences like „If you already have such a healthy, great child, then you can count yourself lucky. But it’s much worse if your wish doesn’t materialise at all “ or „Oh yes, of course that’s not nice if your husband can’t have a second child. We clarified that BEFORE the wedding, because it’s essential.“ All the people around you who automatically assume that you don’t want a second child are also stupid…
